I'm happy to hear it wasn't a lot worse than you thought. She must be a very brave and special girl.. and she's lucky to have a loving mother like you.

fingers crossed you get that extra system

HUGS.. I feel for you Bleu

i would LOVE to say i need prozac, but fortuantely for me.. my mind/body works over time to keep my levels normal ( some GOD given gift). i am sure it will be ok, its just my emotions. Which are normal to have.. if someone tells you different they they don't want to face emotion.

supose it's just my kick in the arse that i need, to tell me to stop living in my fears..

well get some prozac.. my doc put me on it yesterday and all I do today is laugh..

seriously, I will say a prayer for you two and your family. I know your husband will give you all his support. I have a feeling things will be alright.

thanks.. we show up bright and early tomorrow. i let her go to school today.. she knows about tomorrow, but she doesn't understand how risky of a situation she is in, so she just plays and smiles. i'm just having a real hard time.. the computer makes me cry. washing dishes makes me cry.. eating pizza makes me cry. Maybe.. i'm doing it now to hide the fear later.

Awwwww HUGS

It will be alright. I will say a prayer for you and her.

Thank you! I hope the same for you as well. And I am glad this blog has touched you.

ARGH!!!! the network is not loading!!! dammit! my answer from the surgeon is just a click away!! and i can't connect to the network!! wtf!!

Wow...you ladies, Jackstar, BleuDi and Heathenkittens, have my deepfelt admiration. You're all so incredibly strong. To be able to face these challenges and heartaches and move forward, and finally finding someone to treat and love you the way you truly deserve to be.

Jackstar, I have no doubt that you'll soon find someone who'll make you feel like you are his universe, and you shouldn't settle for less, Jackstar.

i hear you, whats worse.. is i tell my kids not to judge him, cause he has schizophrenia.. ( even tho i think it's a bunch of crock just an excuse to bail out of faterhood) i wish, i could invite all the people in the world to hear him boast on what a "great" father he is.. and how much time and money he spends on his children.. ( i'm so horrible to judge him!EYEROLL) i tell people.. WHERE are his reciepts?! i truely wish he was a parent and he did all the things he told people he did, then i wouldn't have to bust my arse for co-pays to see all our specialist and make sure i have enough gas money. and of all things.. they just put my kids life at risk, so i have to speak and see more specialist, cause.. of how reckless and thoughtless their minds are...

sorry jackstar for highjacking, ima stop now and go to bed..

It's sad, for him, and one day, BELIEVE ME, you'll have your comeuppance, sad to say. Because your daughters will know what kind of man he is and that he isn't there for them. God, divorce is such a bitter, bitter thing--it takes a strong woman to rise above it all. *hugs*

they got married, and are a bunch of nosey people, and i don't care what i say or they read.. but, i have seen him and he looks ill, and his mind is absolutly not there.. thats why i can come to most of my conclusions. THEY both lie.. my gut already know she will leave him, and if she doesn't then more power to her, cause actually if she stays.. that would be the BEST gift ever from GOD. NOT vise/versa as they think..

my mind wonders so much at times, cause they have people convinced of other reason on WHY they can't see the kids, and then they let other people tell them.. I AM jealous.. and continue to let strangers bad mouth me, cause they can't tell a full story.

doesn't bother me, like i said.. he will debate a person till the end of time, doesn't mean he or she is right..(at this point i question her mental stability too!)

and.. jealous? when i get jealous of that man, and a woman who has to steal my things and take over a shitty life i had.. then i should get commited. cause.. she aint nothing.. i already know the type of person she is.. her actions speak for her!

Gosh, Bleu, I SO understand. My ex, after our split, moved "back home" out of state, then I had to deal with not only him, but his crazy live-in girlfriend (long story, but we were friends from way back). She emotionally tortured my daughter so much, that one year, I told him she wouldn't be coming for her visit but, not only did she visit my family that year, she actually spent part of her visit with my ex's brother and his family (they were were aware of her in instability, as well). Yeah, it was THAT bad. We even had to go to the extreme of my daughter having a "secret" cell phone and having locks on her luggage. It's all old news now, but at the time caused EXTREME emotional distress on my daughter (and me). Those years were HORRIBLE. If you're lucky, they'll get married. It won't last much long after that--BUHLIEVE me. *rolls eyeballs*

we do trick our minds.. tho.. so becarful. if not for my kids and seeing a future with and for them, i dunno if i would have ever come to the light. The sad part is.. Men like my ex, continue to make empty promises. I know this cause i'm trying to ignore the smart arse remarks from his wife.. where she puts him up on a pedistal..

she is telling me 1yrs knowledge ( and only has lived with him for 4mo)SHE knows him.. verses.. 13yrs + friendship if he hasn't changed in that amount of time.. more then likely he's not gonna..

she debates it, cause he brought her into the U.S. .. well, his mother brought her here.. so really he still hasn't done anything for himself.

I have proved through time and again, i can do it with out him.. and i can do it with my kid's with out him. NO MOMMY for me to run home to..

The lesson i stress in this example, always be independant.. even when you find the right man, SHOW him you have stability.. so him being with you is mutal. YOU want him as much as he wants you. He doesn't have to control you to have a working/loving/developing relationship.

i am a bit guilty tho.. of taking advantage of my leg rubs, but my new hubby tolorates it for now. other wise i have no serious demands.. least i don't think.

Geez, Bleu could have been writing my life story with my first significant other. I was with a particular man from 18 to 22 (and engaged at 20) who, when I was skinny, accused me of wanting other men, and then, when I gained weight, accused me of being fat. There's a whole lot of in-between, but the turning point for me me was when he slapped me down in his apartment, and I ran, literally, in my bra and slip to my car. That was the last time I let a man hurt me in this fashion. Nothing I could do pleased him. Skinny, fat; short hair, long hair; talkative around others or quiet (at a party he accused me of wanting to "fuck" some guy [cause I was talking to him]. What a waste of four good years ... then there was the indifferent, yet emotionally abusive, ex-husband. Let's just say a lot of lessons learned, just like Bleu. Keep your standards high, Sweetie. When the right guy comes along, it will all be worth it. Not that it's been easy--far from it. I've spent a lot of time either being with the wrong person or crying into the emptiness of a bottle--but I now am with a person who loves me for who I am--warts and all.

No man is worth our self respect. Ever. Keep the faith, Sweetie. It will happen when you least expect it. REALLY! xo

You are a Queen to me!

BleuDi, your response was beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I will definitely wait and not give my heart to the first guy who says he will love me till the end of time.

and you deserve it. wait.. please wait..

what my heart has problems with, is that i am sure i did everything right with my exhusband.. but what i couldn't predict or understand is how i was never right for his life.. even tho, he told me everything i wanted to hear.

eventually, his mind.. got worse and i use to ignore the things he did and said to me.. justifying ALL the good times we had together..

stress really got to me, i lost alot of weight litterally a size zero and he would call me fat.. i cut off all my hair cause he told me, i was trying to get other men's attention. He picked at me everyday..after awhile it didn't phase me, so he would find new things that would harm me, the punches that he use to land over top of my head started landing on me.. he would choke me and hang me upside down till his arms got tierd.. after awhile i learned to be dead weight.. and he use to challenge his own stregnth..He would get mad at me, cause he didn't do dishes, and there was nothing to eat on.. (HELLO! pick up a sponge and wash it!) he would stay up for days, and chase me around the house for hours just to debate a spot/speck. I'm not saying.. this is what happen to you in your relationship, i'm saying thats what developes out of hate..

and still today, i am the cause of his "voices" i notice he has no arguement about anything, he can just make it look good to people who don't understand him.. basically repeats everything that i say and uses it for himself and debates it till there is nothing left to debate..

ME.. i let it go, cause thats all i can do.
He and his wife, have morbid thoughts about things that i have no control over, SHE can't help it cause she wants to believe what he tells her.. but after all i have seen she deserves what she gets.

but.. the point is, breaking up with someone early on can be the best thing.. i just wish i wasn't so stubborn when it came to my heart.. but if i would have given myself the bennifit of the doubt and believe that i would find someone JUST for me.. i think i would have waited till the end of time, Love hurts and controls you to a point nothing is rational.. tunnel vision is the source of things.

dunno why i added all the detail.. maybe its my cold getting to me.

your heart will know.

Thank you, ladies. It's just so freakin frustrating. On one hand, I'm just so impatient and want to hurry up and find someone to fill the hole...on the other, I'm still keeping my guard up, trying to be careful, consequently sabotaging any possibilities.