http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blog.php This is a discussion forum where Asian men and women of all races could interact together. en Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:46:40 GMT vBulletin 60 http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/images/Infusion/misc/rss.jpg http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blog.php http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/jaja68/164-life-busy.html Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:58:54 GMT WOW.... I have not been online for such along time. I mean really been online.
My life is so busy and is going to get even more busy. I did not know school would take all my time. I have so many classes I am taking. Then I am also on the PTA at my daughter's school. WOW, that takes up time. Like tomorrow I have to report to the school at 8am to help count money from our fundraiser.

I just wanted to let you all know I am here. I just have been busy.
Miss everyone.
Hugs
Jaja ]]> jaja68 http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/jaja68/164-life-busy.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/tetsjr/163-out-blue.html Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:30:57 GMT I havent been here in the longest time...i just recently started loggin back on and checking on things..heck i even got a mail from my good friend mangohare which is really appreciated. Im glad i came back on..or else i wouldnt have found something so special that i almost forgot the feeling of it.I lost alot in my life the past 2 yrs,.more than anybody here or even in real life could ever fathom...but i realized one thing...i actually gained more than what i lost. When the time is right,she will know it..and everybody else will.Its such a good feeling that it would be a crime to hide it..you know who you are...the one who gives me butterflies when i think of her..the one that makes me smile with every thought of her.. that one that im willing to risk it all.... I havent been here in the longest time...i just recently started loggin back on and checking on things..heck i even got a mail from my good friend mangohare which is really appreciated.

Im glad i came back on..or else i wouldnt have found something so special that i almost forgot the feeling of it.I lost alot in my life the past 2 yrs,.more than anybody here or even in real life could ever fathom...but i realized one thing...i actually gained more than what i lost.

When the time is right,she will know it..and everybody else will.Its such a good feeling that it would be a crime to hide it..you know who you are...the one who gives me butterflies when i think of her..the one that makes me smile with every thought of her.. that one that im willing to risk it all.... ]]> tetsjr http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/tetsjr/163-out-blue.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/katdgrant/162-first-one.html Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:20:18 GMT Well I am downtown sipping on Green Tea, being drove insane by the yummy smell of sandwiches, with no money for one. I have no computer, no tv and no beer make homer go...ah wrong personality LOL. I am so board, lol!! I fell asleep at 2am, I usually and the vampire and sleep when day shows!! I wish it was Friday, I want to speak to Pan!! Sigh!! Well must go soon...will return. Well I am downtown sipping on Green Tea, being drove insane by the yummy smell of sandwiches, with no money for one. I have no computer, no tv and no beer make homer go...ah wrong personality LOL. I am so board, lol!!

I fell asleep at 2am, I usually and the vampire and sleep when day shows!! I wish it was Friday, I want to speak to Pan!! Sigh!!

Well must go soon...will return. ]]> katdgrant http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/katdgrant/162-first-one.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/161-dealing-personal-issues.html Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:41:54 GMT i been browsing, but right now i have alot to deal with will post when i can.

2nd official school week, so i also been doing the mom thing, and i have to do some networking and call backs. just don't have the time to post.

thanks. ]]> BleuDi http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/161-dealing-personal-issues.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/160-08-26-2008.html Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:20:27 GMT This is such a crazy week with the US Open going on and getting ready for the Boston trip. Since Anne won’t be able to go with me, I ended up having an extra ticket with I gave to Dan and Keith, a couple of my Seward Park tennis buddies. Keith was joking that I was so lucky…I get to spend one day each with them. Hehehe…it’s going to be interesting. Usually I either go with Ed or the people at work or alone. I’ll still be coming into work for a few hours to take care of some billing, but then I’ll be able to cut out and play hooky for the rest of the day. Sweet! It’s actually been a sweet couple of weeks. Being able to get more tennis in last week and spending more time with Alex. We hung out on Friday night and we played a little pool (I still suck). Then he took me to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade which he was surprised I’ve never been to. It was a beautiful place to walk around or just sit and enjoy the view of the city. It was another sweet night. Just felt good hanging out there and making out. Even better knowing Alex enjoys my company just as much. Damn, I’m such a sap. =P It actually feels a little like déjà vu. I’m already wondering how much I’ll miss Alex when I go to Boston. Last time I went to Boston, which was about 7 years ago, I was missing Danny. Now I can’t even remember if I cared about Danny as much. I’ve probably just matured and the feeling is different now. Maybe I should get Alex a stuffed lobster, too. =P With Henry going to Virginia beach for a week to run his half marathon, mom and dad going to China for 2 weeks, when I come back from Boston, I’ll have to spend a night or two over at my parents’ place to look after grandma. I feel kinda guilty because I’m already calculating how I can spend the shortest amount of time there. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable there. Ever since I’ve moved out, I don’t like going back or spending time with family. I always feel so caged and as if things are out of my control again. I keep remembering how when I lived there, being the reputed good, obedient (extremely overweight) girl in the family to being rebellious and out of control, having fights with my grandparents and parents. Angry that they favored my brothers because they were boys. Feeling hopeless when they took my tennis racquets and sneakers away just so I couldn’t go out. Bitter? Maybe just a smidge. Henry’s been lecturing and giving me a guilt trip. I’ve promised my dad to come home once a week for dinner, and since then I’ve regretted it. I make it obvious that I don’t like being there and I know it upsets my parents that I keep wanting to leave. My dad even tries to bribe me with wine to come home. They recently got the Wii and try to get me to skip the gym to come over and use that instead. I know that it’s fun for the family and if I let it, I’d enjoy it too. It just kinda irks me a little when my dad (playing Wii tennis everyday) kicks my ass and then says he’d beat me in real tennis as well. Pisses me off, actually. So I let my aunt, who doesn’t really know how to play either, beat me on the Wii, just to show my dad I really suck at these types of games and I’m not into it. Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face! I’m a spoiled, selfish brat and it shows. I know I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for my parents and I should be grateful. I love my parents and I know they aren’t getting any younger. When my dad come back from China, he’s going to have to have bypass surgery. As much as I know bypass surgery is a relatively simple procedure, it still scares me. I remember when grandpa had stroke and was in the hospital, I saw an active and strong man suddenly become weak and incapacitated. Imagining my dad that way scares the shit out of me. I feel and know I should spend more time with the family, but when it comes to acting it…I can’t. Instead I keep trying to push them away. Instinctively, I feel that if I let them get too close again, they’re going to try to control me. This is such a crazy week with the US Open going on and getting ready for the Boston trip. Since Anne won’t be able to go with me, I ended up having an extra ticket with I gave to Dan and Keith, a couple of my Seward Park tennis buddies. Keith was joking that I was so lucky…I get to spend one day each with them. Hehehe…it’s going to be interesting. Usually I either go with Ed or the people at work or alone. I’ll still be coming into work for a few hours to take care of some billing, but then I’ll be able to cut out and play hooky for the rest of the day. Sweet!

It’s actually been a sweet couple of weeks. Being able to get more tennis in last week and spending more time with Alex. We hung out on Friday night and we played a little pool (I still suck). Then he took me to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade which he was surprised I’ve never been to. It was a beautiful place to walk around or just sit and enjoy the view of the city. It was another sweet night. Just felt good hanging out there and making out. Even better knowing Alex enjoys my company just as much. Damn, I’m such a sap. =P

It actually feels a little like déjà vu. I’m already wondering how much I’ll miss Alex when I go to Boston. Last time I went to Boston, which was about 7 years ago, I was missing Danny. Now I can’t even remember if I cared about Danny as much. I’ve probably just matured and the feeling is different now. Maybe I should get Alex a stuffed lobster, too. =P

With Henry going to Virginia beach for a week to run his half marathon, mom and dad going to China for 2 weeks, when I come back from Boston, I’ll have to spend a night or two over at my parents’ place to look after grandma. I feel kinda guilty because I’m already calculating how I can spend the shortest amount of time there. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable there. Ever since I’ve moved out, I don’t like going back or spending time with family. I always feel so caged and as if things are out of my control again. I keep remembering how when I lived there, being the reputed good, obedient (extremely overweight) girl in the family to being rebellious and out of control, having fights with my grandparents and parents. Angry that they favored my brothers because they were boys. Feeling hopeless when they took my tennis racquets and sneakers away just so I couldn’t go out. Bitter? Maybe just a smidge.

Henry’s been lecturing and giving me a guilt trip. I’ve promised my dad to come home once a week for dinner, and since then I’ve regretted it. I make it obvious that I don’t like being there and I know it upsets my parents that I keep wanting to leave. My dad even tries to bribe me with wine to come home. They recently got the Wii and try to get me to skip the gym to come over and use that instead. I know that it’s fun for the family and if I let it, I’d enjoy it too. It just kinda irks me a little when my dad (playing Wii tennis everyday) kicks my ass and then says he’d beat me in real tennis as well. Pisses me off, actually. So I let my aunt, who doesn’t really know how to play either, beat me on the Wii, just to show my dad I really suck at these types of games and I’m not into it. Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face!

I’m a spoiled, selfish brat and it shows. I know I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for my parents and I should be grateful. I love my parents and I know they aren’t getting any younger. When my dad come back from China, he’s going to have to have bypass surgery. As much as I know bypass surgery is a relatively simple procedure, it still scares me. I remember when grandpa had stroke and was in the hospital, I saw an active and strong man suddenly become weak and incapacitated. Imagining my dad that way scares the shit out of me. I feel and know I should spend more time with the family, but when it comes to acting it…I can’t. Instead I keep trying to push them away. Instinctively, I feel that if I let them get too close again, they’re going to try to control me. ]]> tUrBuLeNt http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/160-08-26-2008.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/ursassygirl/159-wheres-all-am-bf-luv.html Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:42:58 GMT Hey guys! I wrote this after seeing a crazy post about why Asian Men don't give much attention to Black Females. After reading it I definitely had to give my opinion about it. So here goes... I think that the reason that most Asian men "do not give much attention to black women" is because of society and stereotypes. The media praises and glorifies beautiful white women and beautiful lighter skinned black women all the time, but u rarely see (with exception of the beautiful Ms. Naomi Campbell) any beautiful darker skinned black women being praised and glorified in the media. Although I disagree completely with societies and the medias views because all colors are beautiful and one isn't better than the other. I think if there was more AM/BF couples shown in the media or just talked about more often it would become more tolerated and accepted. I for one have to be attracted, of course, to the guy whether Black, White, Asian or what ever race, but how dark their skin color is makes no difference to me. I would love to see more AM/BF love stories and movies! Maybe that day will happen soon.

As far as the stereotypes go, most BF are portrayed as loud, controlling, "ghetto fabulous" and more negative traits which is so untrue. I'm sure there are some BF that have some of those traits, but all women have their flaws, but not one woman is the same. You might see a loud ghetto fabulous black female with big hair and big earrings on a tv show that you've watched, but that doesn't mean that the beautiful black female sitting across from you(on the subway, bus or where ever you are)is the same as the woman you saw on the tv show.So until all Black Females are seen in a better light just remember guys... Keep an open mind!! Your soulmate might jus be sitting right across from you... ]]> UrSassyGirl http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/ursassygirl/159-wheres-all-am-bf-luv.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/158-danny-seward.html Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:34:02 GMT Danny stopped by Seward Park on Saturday to take some action pics. Knowing him, it’ll prob be a while before I get the rest of the pictures he took of me and Alban playing. But here’s a tidbit he sent me. Man, I look fat! =P Image: http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h85/nycaznsweetz/_PEN4236-1.jpg Danny stopped by Seward Park on Saturday to take some action pics. Knowing him, it’ll prob be a while before I get the rest of the pictures he took of me and Alban playing. But here’s a tidbit he sent me. Man, I look fat! =P
]]> tUrBuLeNt http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/158-danny-seward.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/proazn/157-wtf-am-i-really-doing.html Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:34:45 GMT I haven't written in my blog for a long time. I am usually an avid blogger. It's just after the particularly shit experience I had elsewhere, I kinda went off it I guess.

How the hell can I even begin to express what I have been going through lately? So much stress and craziness. I have discovered some things that have disappointed me. I feel trapped and helpless. I want to do something happy; something that makes me feel good.

Sometimes I just feel so misunderstood. I feel like I am in a big pit hole with the dirt walls closing in on me and I keep screaming for help; but no one hears me. OR they just don't WANT to hear me... dumbasses. It's that terrible alone feeling you get when you feel no one listens or understands you and you feel like all someone wants to do is bash and criticise you.

Why are people like that? and why do I keep getting around them? I just don't understand it. I don't do that to them unless they do that to me first. So why do they do it? All I can say is I AM TIRED OF IT. If you can't see the good in me and what is really in my heart, then I don't fvcking need you. I dont' need to be attacked, bashed or talked down to like a piece of shit. It's depressing and I am sick of it.

I just want to be LEFT ALONE with that. GAWD

BTW, this is NOT directed at anyone on this site. ]]> ProAzn http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/proazn/157-wtf-am-i-really-doing.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/156-08-21-2008.html Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:08:51 GMT OK, so after a day or so of being completely angsty and expecting only the worst, I’m calm again. Or at least I’m not freaking out. Alex and I are still talking and we hung out last night. Again, it was a spur of the moment thing. We were chatting and then he said he felt like an icy and said he might go out to the Lemon Ice King of Corona. I’ve heard of it, but didn’t know where it was. He said it was close to where I lived. Hehehe…I didn’t even realize he was hinting at hanging out until he laughed and said it was a futile attempt to ask me to join him. I really suck with these types of hints…I’d rather someone tell me straight out what they want from me. Henry was laughing at me because icies aren’t normally what I go for, but because Alex asked me to, I was up for it. So I had my first experience with the Lemon Ice King. =P Not bad. And what was sweeter, is that I know there will be a next time with Alex. *sigh* I’m SUCH a sap! I guess the fact that he’s still hanging around says something. I’m comfortable with the pace and feeling things out. He says he wants to get to know me better and see if it’s worth the risk…and I want to see if he’s worth my commitment. Just have to really know if we can trust one another. Who knows…maybe we’ll get bored of one another and I’ll have to find a new distraction. For now, I can just enjoy the moment. Speaking of bored, I am really, really boring (outside of tennis, sex and baking). I don’t have a very creative imagination, I don’t really like to talk, nor do I have any cool things to say. I don’t hang out much in Queens and don’t know too many places to go. I feel bad having someone drive me around everywhere. I feel like I should pay for gas or at least do something. I don’t want to have someone have to plan everything to do. I’ve just gotten so used to walking around on my own, heading from point A to point B. So when Alex says, ‘so where are you taking me now?’, ‘tell me something cool’ or ‘tell me a story’, I’m stuck. My mind is pretty much on the tennis court or in the sewer half the time. Somehow I really doubt he’d be able to relate to my tennis addiction…nor is he expecting a dirty tale…at least not at this point. OK, so after a day or so of being completely angsty and expecting only the worst, I’m calm again. Or at least I’m not freaking out. Alex and I are still talking and we hung out last night. Again, it was a spur of the moment thing. We were chatting and then he said he felt like an icy and said he might go out to the Lemon Ice King of Corona. I’ve heard of it, but didn’t know where it was. He said it was close to where I lived. Hehehe…I didn’t even realize he was hinting at hanging out until he laughed and said it was a futile attempt to ask me to join him. I really suck with these types of hints…I’d rather someone tell me straight out what they want from me.

Henry was laughing at me because icies aren’t normally what I go for, but because Alex asked me to, I was up for it. So I had my first experience with the Lemon Ice King. =P Not bad. And what was sweeter, is that I know there will be a next time with Alex. *sigh* I’m SUCH a sap!

I guess the fact that he’s still hanging around says something. I’m comfortable with the pace and feeling things out. He says he wants to get to know me better and see if it’s worth the risk…and I want to see if he’s worth my commitment. Just have to really know if we can trust one another. Who knows…maybe we’ll get bored of one another and I’ll have to find a new distraction. For now, I can just enjoy the moment.

Speaking of bored, I am really, really boring (outside of tennis, sex and baking). I don’t have a very creative imagination, I don’t really like to talk, nor do I have any cool things to say. I don’t hang out much in Queens and don’t know too many places to go. I feel bad having someone drive me around everywhere. I feel like I should pay for gas or at least do something. I don’t want to have someone have to plan everything to do. I’ve just gotten so used to walking around on my own, heading from point A to point B. So when Alex says, ‘so where are you taking me now?’, ‘tell me something cool’ or ‘tell me a story’, I’m stuck. My mind is pretty much on the tennis court or in the sewer half the time. Somehow I really doubt he’d be able to relate to my tennis addiction…nor is he expecting a dirty tale…at least not at this point. ]]> tUrBuLeNt http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/156-08-21-2008.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/155-annoyed.html Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:06:19 GMT if you all want to see the rest of the wedding pics you will have to add me to your myspace.. http://www.myspace.com/someonesal if you are alredy my friend pics are loaded up there.. im letting proazn pick the one they like so i guess everyone vote??? i dunno.. im just fustrated with uploading!! lol:redface: if you all want to see the rest of the wedding pics you will have to add me to your myspace.. http://www.myspace.com/someonesal if you are alredy my friend pics are loaded up there.. im letting proazn pick the one they like so i guess everyone vote??? i dunno.. im just fustrated with uploading!! lol:redface: ]]> BleuDi http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/155-annoyed.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/154-pic-tease.html Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:26:08 GMT sorry all, i have to go to teacher meets tonight when i get back i promise to upload more pics!! Attachment 15 (http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=15) Attachment 16 (http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=16) Attachment 17 (http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=17) sorry all, i have to go to teacher meets tonight when i get back i promise to upload more pics!!





]]> BleuDi http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/154-pic-tease.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/153-aug-16-17-weekend.html Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:48:14 GMT Aside from some photos of some baked goods, I had not blogged in ages. Just had been feeling numb and bleah about most things. This past weekend however, has been one of the sweetest times I've had in a very long while.

Friday night, I had decided to just skip gym. I was tired, pissy and I just wanted to take a break. I ended up going home, finishing off an entire contained of vodka & jello…which I pretty much paid for the rest of the night and the next day. From now on…no more booze on nights before I play tennis. It's not so much the booze, I think…prob the loss of brain cells from puking it out that got to me. An awful feeling. Each time I accelerated my pace and my heart rate when up, I felt waves of nausea and dizziness hit me…but I still wanted to play.

Fei, Peter and the crew had to leave and give up the court a little while I got there. I was going back and forth in my mind about what to do. Common sense told me to go home and take a break. Of course, who am I to listen to common sense? So I stayed behind, to wait for the Keith and Dan to show up and for court to free up again. I actually hit a little with the guy, Steven, that had taken over the court (sometimes I feel like I know almost all of the tennis familiars at Seward ^_^). He was alright, but his gf was probably getting impatient so they had to leave...then Keith showed up just in time. I thought after resting a bit, I'd be ok to play again. After only hitting for about 2 hours, I was really starting to feel it again and my stomach and legs kept cramping up. Ended up leaving around 5:30 PM.

When I got home, I started baking cupcakes because Lynne, one of the attorneys in my firm, was coming to visit the office on Monday with her family. Her kids call me the cookie lady because I've mailed them treats before. ^_^

I saw Alex online, with his status saying he was ultra bored. Ok, some background. Alex is someone I've known from the days of AsianAvenue, before it became AsianAve. We've been chatting on and off for a very long time. Always just friendly bsing…no flirting or inclination to meet or even talk on the phone. The only time I made contact was by sending him cookies on his birthday. I figured we had been chatting for so long (more than a year), I wanted to do something special for him. It was a simple friendship.

Anyways, back to the present. So it was late at night and I started joking around and asked if he found extra strength boredom reliever. He hadn't and asked for suggestions, so I made a few in jest and we were just having fun. I asked why he wasn't out on such a beautiful Saturday night, and then he suggested we go out for a friendly drink. I was surprised, but figured it might be fun. I'd just be at home fighting the cramps and trying to find some way to sleep anyway. Some company might be nice. It was a little strange, talking and seeing Alex for the first time, after only chatting for so long. He was really comfortable and fun to be with. For some reason, his goofball sense of humor reminded me of Danny or Bobby. They all seem to be able to make up stories and scenarios on the fly. We had a drink at some quiet bar and was just talking and joking. Neither of us were tired after the drinks so he takes me to this marina/pier in Queens. I forgot the name of it, but it's by the Citibank building and the East River. We a gate that was open and saw couples milling around so we walked in. Not long after, some cops pulls us, along with the other people) to the side and took out IDs and said they were going to write us a ticket. The officer that took Alex's ID saw that he was in the military and asked some random questions and seemed to be joking around. I couldn't tell if the officers were serious about the tickets. In the end, it was cool. The officers just wanted to give the people a scare and a warning. I thought it was sweet of Alex to say that he would take care of my ticket. I wouldn't have let him, but it was still nice of him to say so.

We didn't leave the pier, but hung out on the open area by the water instead and just talked for about an hour or so. On the way back, he showed me this place by Astoria Park and a monument that he honored. We were sitting around for a while and some guys drove past and were yelling through the windows of their car. I wasn't sure what they said, but Alex said, "You've just been hollahed".

*This is a mushy part* It was about 4/5 AM when Alex drove me back to my place and we did all the niceties and formalities and hugged. There was a slight hesitancy and then we kissed. At first it was just a simple kiss on his cheek, but then I saw something in his eyes and on his face that I also wanted, so I took a chance and kissed him on the lips…and we kept kissing. It just felt so sweet and warm. It seems like it's been a long time since I felt that way…and definitely a much longer time that I was with someone who I wasn't talking about sex with or who was trying to grope me. He was an absolute sweetheart and gentleman. Even though I was enjoying the feeling, at the back of my mind, was the usual dread of having to tell someone about my situation…with Alex even more so, as I really was starting to like him a lot. Heh…enough that I completely blocked out some guys I had been talking to previously. Am I in trouble? Maybe…I just kept telling myself not to think about it or see too much into it. It was only friendly kissing. Nothing more, nothing less.

The next morning, when I got up, my right calf muscle was sore,enough that I was limping…but I still wanted to try to get some tennis in before Danny came over to hang out. It was a beautiful day and I didn't want to waste it. I was only able to play for about an hour or so before my calf cramped up and I couldn't play. It was too sore to move fluidly on the court so I just packed up and went home. It was still early, around 3 PM. I hadn't decided what to do with the rest of the day. I didn't really have to do laundry this week, did the baking and washed my floors already, wasn't in the mood for a movie. Danny hadn't called about when he was coming over so I figured maybe he wasn't feeling well enough yet or changed his mind. I saw that Alex was online studying and we just started chatting a bit and he suggested we do something. I was a little surprised that he'd want to hang out with me again so soon, but I guess he enjoyed my company just as much as I did his. ^_^

I didn't have any ideas, but I just wanted to be outside and maybe take a walk. He picked me up later and surprised me by going to Alley Pond Park. He was laughing at me because although I've played at the tennis courts there before, but I never even knew there was a park attached. We walked along the different trails. It was a beautiful day for a walk and even though we both got kind of bitten, it was cool. There was mostly comfortable silence during the walk, with him cracking the occasional joke here and there.

After the walk, we went to have drinks at Tequila Sunrise. Yummy. We stayed there for a couple of hours, just talking and some kissing, before we went over to another marina. It was already 10PM when we got there, but we hung around there for a little while, just hugging and kissing (he wasn't gropping at me at all!). I hadn't felt this sweet and comfortable with someone in so long it seems. Still at the back of my mind, I knew I would have to tell him about my situation. I've said it before…every time I have to say it to someone, a part of myself goes numb...or dies…same thing. You reap what you sow.

We walked back to his car, making a few random stops to make out. He drove me back to my place and we continued making out in the car. A small part of me wanted to just wait till he got back home and online before I told him, but that would just be wrong. Besides, I also wanted to see his actual reaction when I told him. At a kissing break, I told him. He wasn't freaked out about it, fortunately, but he was honest about it. He said it was new territory for him and that if it ever came to that point, he would be afraid. Understandable. But then he said he wanted to continue spending time with me and we were kissing again.

Naturally, I didn't expect him to be able to respond coherently as I kind of just threw it at him out of the blue. It wouldn't be right not to tell him and let things continue without him knowing what he was getting into. I chatted with him for a little while after he got home and asked him to just let me know if any questions or comments come to mind later on. *Sigh* So…what am I supposed to feel and think now? ]]> tUrBuLeNt http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/turbulent/153-aug-16-17-weekend.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/152-people-who-still-stare-you.html Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:40:36 GMT some lady in the home depot, she had a kid same age as mine.. why do you suppose people still stare at you when surrounded by husband and kids.. wasn't an i'm curious look you'd think after 13+yrs of being around asian people, i would know how to decipher these stares.. so i decided to walk to my husband and ask him,the typical "wife" questions.. "Babe.. do we need this?" or "are we finished?" while still being stared at.. i guess him calling me "honey" really toped her cake.. i suppose his fluent english confused her as well..:rolleyes: ]]> BleuDi http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/152-people-who-still-stare-you.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/151-argh.html Sat, 16 Aug 2008 13:26:57 GMT so.. i have to clean this morning.. putting away all kinds of stuff making hair appointments that i didn't get done through the week.. haircuts are expensive exspecially if you have nice hair!! i found a solon that is perfect for us all and who understands ethnic hair. will be on and off all day, trying to catch up on what i missed.:tongue: ]]> BleuDi http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/151-argh.html http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/150-cant-sleep.html Sat, 16 Aug 2008 05:14:32 GMT last week was so hectic, had crazy anxiety.. and this week i can't sleep cause i'm trying to download/process last week..i been running around like chicken with my head cut off..

i have tried to sit and relax and tell about the good things that happen, but with out pictures.. almost everything is a blur.. i am sure glad i get to have them for memories..

Oh thought off the top of my head, while passing the floor in thought... cause thats what i do to figure out my problems.. i had wished or thought it would be nice if an opportunity came my way to utilize the skills i already have to "mold" "teach" me how to use my natural talent.. and low and behold, i get an answer..

it feels like GOD is listening every time i reach out and pray, i just have to pay attention to the sign's.:redface: ]]> BleuDi http://proazn.com/ProAzn_forum/blogs/bleudi/150-cant-sleep.html