leaving the house this morning, we have shoping to do for thanksgiving, acutally will drop off a bag of food to a friend who said they didn't have anything for the holidays when i was doing the food drive.

BUT, i had been planning something for sometime now.. and just haven't pushed myself to do it, wondering if it was a stupid idea.. any way, i gave a gift to my neighbor cause she is always so kind to my kids, ALWAYS thinking about them, and she sent me a little card in the mail...

Aaarrgghhhhh!!! I don’t know what I’m doing….not that that’s exactly news. Such a fool. My mind is playing tricks on me and I think I’m taking some of the things Billy says too seriously. One moment, my mind is mushy and thinking, maybe, just maybe, something is there and I’m all comfortable and kind of happy. The next, I’m already talking myself out of it, because there’s such an extreme difference in personality. I care and I want to be there if that’s what he really wants, but then I wonder...

if i disappear again is cause i had to go back to the hospital. kidney is stable.. only good thing, i'm a bit sleepy, a book to keep me company.. and medical crap to download..

they removed 2200 cc's of urine, so YOU tell me.. if my kid aint a trooper, thats on top of the 450 cc's and 250 cc's they removed the last 2-3 times, we were at the hospital this week.

they removed the stent they placed in on the 14th, so now everything is up in the air.

So Friday came and went. James had asked me out later inthe day, and I know I could've picked up a random date or made other plans, but... I dunno. Guess I had my mind and heart set on seeing Billy. Bleah...foolish and cheesy as usual. Anyways, somehow Billy and I had gotten our wires crossed that night. I went to the gym instead because I didn't hear from him. When I got out around 6:30 PM, I saw he had texted me at 6:20 saying he just woke up. I texted back saying I just got out of the...

Since my boss is out today and it’s a slow day, I’ve got way too much time to think. Feeling angsty and unsure. So I made plans to meet up with Billy tonight. So far, we’ve only just been talking on the phone. Normally, I’m leery about meeting people online, but at the time, since he was busting my chops about it, I figured, why not. I mean…it’s not everyday that I can find someone I click with so well. We’ve actually talked about my fears and insecurities and why I was already burying the possibility...