08/26/2008
Posted 08-26-2008 at 11:20 AM by tUrBuLeNt
This is such a crazy week with the US Open going on and getting ready for the Boston trip. Since Anne won’t be able to go with me, I ended up having an extra ticket with I gave to Dan and Keith, a couple of my Seward Park tennis buddies. Keith was joking that I was so lucky…I get to spend one day each with them. Hehehe…it’s going to be interesting. Usually I either go with Ed or the people at work or alone. I’ll still be coming into work for a few hours to take care of some billing, but then I’ll be able to cut out and play hooky for the rest of the day. Sweet!
It’s actually been a sweet couple of weeks. Being able to get more tennis in last week and spending more time with Alex. We hung out on Friday night and we played a little pool (I still suck). Then he took me to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade which he was surprised I’ve never been to. It was a beautiful place to walk around or just sit and enjoy the view of the city. It was another sweet night. Just felt good hanging out there and making out. Even better knowing Alex enjoys my company just as much. Damn, I’m such a sap. =P
It actually feels a little like déjà vu. I’m already wondering how much I’ll miss Alex when I go to Boston. Last time I went to Boston, which was about 7 years ago, I was missing Danny. Now I can’t even remember if I cared about Danny as much. I’ve probably just matured and the feeling is different now. Maybe I should get Alex a stuffed lobster, too. =P
With Henry going to Virginia beach for a week to run his half marathon, mom and dad going to China for 2 weeks, when I come back from Boston, I’ll have to spend a night or two over at my parents’ place to look after grandma. I feel kinda guilty because I’m already calculating how I can spend the shortest amount of time there. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable there. Ever since I’ve moved out, I don’t like going back or spending time with family. I always feel so caged and as if things are out of my control again. I keep remembering how when I lived there, being the reputed good, obedient (extremely overweight) girl in the family to being rebellious and out of control, having fights with my grandparents and parents. Angry that they favored my brothers because they were boys. Feeling hopeless when they took my tennis racquets and sneakers away just so I couldn’t go out. Bitter? Maybe just a smidge.
Henry’s been lecturing and giving me a guilt trip. I’ve promised my dad to come home once a week for dinner, and since then I’ve regretted it. I make it obvious that I don’t like being there and I know it upsets my parents that I keep wanting to leave. My dad even tries to bribe me with wine to come home. They recently got the Wii and try to get me to skip the gym to come over and use that instead. I know that it’s fun for the family and if I let it, I’d enjoy it too. It just kinda irks me a little when my dad (playing Wii tennis everyday) kicks my ass and then says he’d beat me in real tennis as well. Pisses me off, actually. So I let my aunt, who doesn’t really know how to play either, beat me on the Wii, just to show my dad I really suck at these types of games and I’m not into it. Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face!
I’m a spoiled, selfish brat and it shows. I know I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for my parents and I should be grateful. I love my parents and I know they aren’t getting any younger. When my dad come back from China, he’s going to have to have bypass surgery. As much as I know bypass surgery is a relatively simple procedure, it still scares me. I remember when grandpa had stroke and was in the hospital, I saw an active and strong man suddenly become weak and incapacitated. Imagining my dad that way scares the shit out of me. I feel and know I should spend more time with the family, but when it comes to acting it…I can’t. Instead I keep trying to push them away. Instinctively, I feel that if I let them get too close again, they’re going to try to control me.
It’s actually been a sweet couple of weeks. Being able to get more tennis in last week and spending more time with Alex. We hung out on Friday night and we played a little pool (I still suck). Then he took me to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade which he was surprised I’ve never been to. It was a beautiful place to walk around or just sit and enjoy the view of the city. It was another sweet night. Just felt good hanging out there and making out. Even better knowing Alex enjoys my company just as much. Damn, I’m such a sap. =P
It actually feels a little like déjà vu. I’m already wondering how much I’ll miss Alex when I go to Boston. Last time I went to Boston, which was about 7 years ago, I was missing Danny. Now I can’t even remember if I cared about Danny as much. I’ve probably just matured and the feeling is different now. Maybe I should get Alex a stuffed lobster, too. =P
With Henry going to Virginia beach for a week to run his half marathon, mom and dad going to China for 2 weeks, when I come back from Boston, I’ll have to spend a night or two over at my parents’ place to look after grandma. I feel kinda guilty because I’m already calculating how I can spend the shortest amount of time there. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable there. Ever since I’ve moved out, I don’t like going back or spending time with family. I always feel so caged and as if things are out of my control again. I keep remembering how when I lived there, being the reputed good, obedient (extremely overweight) girl in the family to being rebellious and out of control, having fights with my grandparents and parents. Angry that they favored my brothers because they were boys. Feeling hopeless when they took my tennis racquets and sneakers away just so I couldn’t go out. Bitter? Maybe just a smidge.
Henry’s been lecturing and giving me a guilt trip. I’ve promised my dad to come home once a week for dinner, and since then I’ve regretted it. I make it obvious that I don’t like being there and I know it upsets my parents that I keep wanting to leave. My dad even tries to bribe me with wine to come home. They recently got the Wii and try to get me to skip the gym to come over and use that instead. I know that it’s fun for the family and if I let it, I’d enjoy it too. It just kinda irks me a little when my dad (playing Wii tennis everyday) kicks my ass and then says he’d beat me in real tennis as well. Pisses me off, actually. So I let my aunt, who doesn’t really know how to play either, beat me on the Wii, just to show my dad I really suck at these types of games and I’m not into it. Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face!
I’m a spoiled, selfish brat and it shows. I know I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for my parents and I should be grateful. I love my parents and I know they aren’t getting any younger. When my dad come back from China, he’s going to have to have bypass surgery. As much as I know bypass surgery is a relatively simple procedure, it still scares me. I remember when grandpa had stroke and was in the hospital, I saw an active and strong man suddenly become weak and incapacitated. Imagining my dad that way scares the shit out of me. I feel and know I should spend more time with the family, but when it comes to acting it…I can’t. Instead I keep trying to push them away. Instinctively, I feel that if I let them get too close again, they’re going to try to control me.
Total Comments 0
