Mgb's parent's keep sending me things, some little, some not so little. For example, they know I love tea and they sent me a package of rather expensive green tea from Taiwan with some very nice Chinese tea cups. Then the food items, chocolate, flax seeds (when I was making their cake!), Asian nuts. Now MGB tells me that his parents bought me some custom made Chinese jewelry. Their message is always thanks for putting up with MGB when they send me something.

Whenever I want to send them something back, MGB stops me. Other than thank you cards and a cake I made (with their flax seeds mind.) He didn't even want me to send them anything for Christmas.

It's wonderful, but a little odd for me, I've never been given so many gifts, even from my x in-laws.

So I was reading a bit on Chinese gift giving, about protocols and events to give and such, I didn't really see anything about to the girlfriend of son, but I wonder if it's just his parents way of making sure I get something when he comes to visit?

Should I send them a gift back, and if yes, what should it be? You Chinese men pitch in! MGB's about worthless, all he tells me is save your money, which makes me rather uncomfortable.

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Giving gifts in general is about friendship and reciprocity. Do unto me as I do unto you. Not only terms of endearment but also in the future if there is a favor I request I know you will "help" so to speak. Gift giving in chinese culture is very pragmatic and practical. The gifts are usually not of sentimental value but of practical value - food, housewares, money, etc. - items which you can use around the house. Although not expressed outright, gift giving is also based on means to give. Therefore if a well off family gives you gift items it is not expressly written you should return like favor. It would appear to them as you wasting your money cause you could use it for better things like pay bills, food, your son, etc. Also, some might find a "lower" gift in return as an insult so rather than accept such a gift they rather not have you give one until you can afford to do so.

In terms of bf's parents and gf, gift giving could mean a sign of a relationship that is serious. In other words, it is the parents of the bf accepting you into the family by "helping" you out. In ancient times, gifts were considered dowry-like as a sign of the bf's family able to afford a daughter-in-law. Now if his parents sends you jewelery that is a huge sign of a solid commitment between the parties, almost like considering you his wife.

If you so desire to give them a gift in return make it something practical. Only give gifts if you are invited to the parents house, that is the tradition. Usually food items, housewares, or something that is practical is considered acceptable by traditional chinese. Things like flowers, cards, etc although accepted on western holidays is pretty much useless on any other occasion.

My 2 Ren Min Bi

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What Azn_North posted above is pretty much what the Chinese men I dated would say.

I also bumped this thread up again to hopefully get you some more responses.

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Yea, that's pretty much the story. My parents always told that since birth and you must grow up and not forget your roots, bla, bla.. LOL. Thing is they came some 20 odd years ago and I don't see them practicing much traditional customs themselves. Each year they seem more and more westernized in my eyes. Though in large family gatherings the elders will follow traditions whilst the younger set will mutter how lame everything is and what excuse they can come up with to leave asap. LOL.

so since I haven't been to the home, (due to distance not only lack of invitation) I shouldn't send a gift?

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I would wait till some family occasion like a birthday, wedding anniversary, or a some gift giving holiday. Makes it easier on you as they really can't refuse it. It would be poor manners even by western standards. haha.

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