Qing Ming: Mark of filial piety By Marjorie Chiew
Publisher:The Star - Publication Date: 02-04-2008

Ancestral worship during Qing Ming is a 50-year-old family tradition for the Kong family. Even the fourth generation joins in this annual ritual, said Datuk David Kong, 54, who is NV Multi Corporation Bhd’s group managing director. NV Multi owns the Nirvana Memorial Park burial ground in Semenyih, Selangor.

Kong deems it important to explain to the younger generation the hardship of their ancestors so that they will not forget their struggles and achievements.

“My grandfather came from Guangzhou, China, and endured months of travel by sea to seek a new life in Malaya. We must remember him for his sacrifices so that we can strive for a better life,” he said. “We must encourage the young to remember their ancestors and to understand the true meaning of filial piety so that they will continue the tradition of paying respects to them.”

This year, 20 members of the Kong family will be heading for Kuala Lipis, Pahang, to pay respect to their ancestors.

“We offer chicken, roast pork and Chinese wine when praying to my late grandparents. Nowadays, these meats are quite common. In the old days, it was a luxury to enjoy the meats because it would take up to a year to rear chickens for slaughter,” he said.

“A roast pig is regarded as a generous offering for the ancestors. The family members would then partake of the fare offered to receive blessings,” Kong added.

Paper offerings of material goods including hell money would also be burnt for the dead. Firecrackers are also let off to “awaken the spirits to receive the gifts”. These days, Chinese families who visit the graves on Qing Ming no longer dress in dark-coloured clothes. The mood is more upbeat. People are all dressed up for this outing as families come together for a reunion of sorts.

In modern times, there is no taboo in wearing red when families troop off to spruce up the graves of their loved ones.

Previously, families get up at the crack of dawn to reach the cemetery in the early morning. But with traffic jams, some families do not mind visiting the graves in the late afternoon.

At memorial parks, workers are at your service to provide what you need at no extra charge. You do not even have to bring red paint to repaint the tombstones, or a cangkul or an umbrella. There are signboards to alert you on what is available.

Kong, the founder of Nirvana Memorial Park, was in the wholesale trade before he entered the bereavement trade. While visiting his relative’s grave, he remembered stepping on other people’s tombs and had to ask for forgiveness from the dead because there were no proper walkways. He hit upon the idea of a modern memorial park with landscaping and facilities to worship the dead.

Chinese education pioneer Datuk Sim Mow Yu, 96, insists on joining his children and their families during Qing Ming to pay respects to his late wife. “I’m not pantang (superstitious),” he said.

He has prepared a final resting place for himself next to his late wife, Chan Guat Ai, (who passed away four years ago on May 1), at Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Land for the double plot grave was donated by Nirvana in appreciation of his contribution to Chinese education. Sim spent 200,000 ringgit (US$62,700) on the tombstones and landscaping.

A huge slab of green granite was sourced to make the tombstones at the grave. Sim, an accomplished calligrapher, also wrote the beautiful calligraphy which was scanned and engraved by workmen on the tombstone.

“Qing Ming is a significant event to show our filial piety to our ancestors and remember them. Without our ancestors, we would not be here. We want to learn from their good work ethics and sound principles,” said Sim.

Sim’s second daughter, Kay Keok, said this year, her mother’s two siblings and their families came from Shenzhen, China, to pay their respects. Last Sunday, about 40 members of the Sim family travelled from Malacca to Semenyih in a chartered bus for the worship.

When Yeo Boon Hong was working in Kuala Lumpur, he never failed to return to his hometown in Malacca to honour his late parents during Qing Ming.

“Now that I’m retired and living in Malacca, my three children who are working in KL continue to join us to perform this show of respect. We instil filial piety in our children from a very young age by taking them along for such worship in the hope that they would continue this tradition,” said Yeo, 59, a retired government servant.

Yeo, offered tau sar peang (green bean biscuits), fruits, flowers and Chinese tea as well as a paper box containing clothing and hell notes for his late parents recently. He lost his father in 1972 and his mother, two years ago.

Bugs Tan, 47, an inventor, is observing Qing Ming to uphold this tradition and pay respects to his late parents. He said: “It is a good time for siblings to mix and also cousins and nephews to meet up when they go to pray to Ah Kong (grandpa in Hokkien) and Ah Mah (grandma) in Klang.”

A time for coming together
This year, the Qing Ming (Pure Brightness) Festival, also known as Tombs Sweeping Festival, falls on April 4. Traditionally, the Chinese can start worshipping their dead ancestors 10 days before and after this date.

“It is believed that the souls of the departed are allowed a grace period to leave the underworld and enter this worldly realm to accept offerings from their living relatives,” said sinologist Lai Kuan Fook.

In ancient China, the people prayed to the dead during the lunar seventh month (“Ghost Month”) but later on, they changed the time of worshipping the dead to early April (spring) when the weather (spring) was at its best, he said.

Back in those days, Chinese families went to remote areas to worship their ancestors. The ritual is akin to a picnic as relatives from far and wide gathered for this annual event and feasted on the offerings at the graveside.

Nowadays, many local Chinese families prefer to take offerings home to eat.

In ancient times, Qing Ming was a holiday celebrated with dancing, singing and picnicking.

But over the centuries, it has evolved into a time of quiet solitude to honour the departed. It is also a time for families to bond.

In families where both parents have passed on, Qing Ming is a time to get-together.

Siblings and their families make arrangements to meet in their hometown to worship their deceased parents, said Lai. After the ritual, they partake of food offered at the graveside or gather for a meal in a restaurant perhaps.

If a spouse has passed on, generally the other elderly spouse is persuaded not to participate in funeral rites or go to the graveside for fear that the spirit of the departed might beckon the surviving spouse.

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