Public toilets. Quite handy when you desperately need to go, though sometimes the scenery and atmosphere of certain stalls overrides your need to go despite the fact that you feel like you need to give birth.

I had the misfortune of experiencing a public stall one day when I was caught offguard by my bowels when it decided to make a movement. I'm thinking oh you little bastard, always knocking at the wrong time, come back later! Normally I can suffer the discomfort of waiting until I get home to relieve myself, but not this time, the beast was pounding at the door and nothing could scare it away. So I try locating a public restroom close by, trying to walk normally pretending not to haul ass.

Success! Sometimes the appearance of restroom stalls are like a gift from heaven. Something to be welcomed and cherished when pressing matters are concerned. That is until you go in. Ahh crap! There's someone in here! Decisions, decisions. ...Fuck it! So into the first stall: pee on the toilet seat. Next! Second stalled is "stained": straight back out. Third stall: the door is locked fuck!
Sorry!
No problem.
...Oh man... Stall number two is out of the question, so back to stall number one.

People generally don't like dealing with dirty things. Unless you're Mike Rowe on "Dirty Jobs". I quickly come to the conclusion that I need to clean some pee off the toilet seat. But there is a process to that. Toilet paper. Lots of it! Enough to ensure your hands don't come into contact with any of that pee. Job done! YAY! So happy! But my ass ain't touching that seat! Time to make a nest. Yes, a nest. So now I am a germaphobe but who cares? I'm clean! Layer one... layer two... layer three... That should do it! ...ahh one more layer... Then a couple of layers on top of the water to prevent splashback. There's nothing worse than splashback.

So as I settle in and prepare to do the drop, more people walk in. uh oh! So you wait for some noise to time it correctly in hopes no one hears. My stall door rattles - wrong noise..
"Oops, sorry!"
I half mutter "no problem". I hear him open the second stall but doesn't go in. Oh crap!, is he's standing there waiting and listening? Decisions are sometimes made by a greater power and I don't mean god. But its over before I know it so I start my clean up. The worst is when you're done your cleanup and you get hit with a second wave. Oh you sneaky little bastard! So you re-assume the position. Some dumbass is whistling the Jeopardy theme song.

After the final clean up, and as you dump the nest into the bowl you're thinking oh no!!! Is that going to go down?? That's when you know you're in trouble. what if it overflows??? Being the adventurous type I hit the flange (with clean toilet paper in hand of couse) the water starts to rise and I begin to panic. oh god! ... relief! The water recedes as I step back. whew!

By now there's a bit of a line up of people outside waiting for their turn. I open the stall door and tell myself "don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact" and make my way to the sink. Some guys just stop and adjust their pants/shirts whatever and wet their hair, running their fingers through them. How is that for sanitation?!?

I dry my hands but as I am about to open the door, I see the handle is wet from the guys that just left. No way I'm touching that! fuck! So I just stand there, trying to look inconspicuous.

The door opens and someone walks in, I prop it open with my foot and run out.
...FREEDOM!

I hold it in...i refuse to use a public restroom for numero dos...

I'm one of those that fights with those paper things to cover the toilet seat. I almost pee'd my pants a couple of times trying to get the paper on the seat. Sometimes I just do the squatting thing lol

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i hate hate hate public restrooms, and omg the things ive seen in the public restroom where i work...but i dont have to clean it haha i get to listen to managers complain about cleaning it lol

Sometimes you just can't hold it

Hovering or squatting is all fine and dandy but how good is your aim? You'd need some good strong legs to stay in the position for a couple of minutes.

Having worked in the bar environment, I've had to deal with issues in the women's restrooms and I have seen many unpleasant misses. Luckily we had cleaners

I use to complain about it but staff don't care because they usually don't have to clean it up (Usually). I've done it a couple of times when it was on the floor and in the beginning of the night but the attendants takes care of all the messes nowadays . At least in the washroom.

Staff restroom usually aren't that bad. Unless some of the employees are slobs. Thats when extra duties usually cures some of the bad habits.

Nothing is as worse as asian public washrooms. Those are the squatting types - for men and women. For those who traveled or lived in asia you know exactly what I'm referring to.




Here's a clean foto to help you out. Now imagine it being a public restroom...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...t_Shanghai.jpg

.

this isn't by me..but this is my all time favorite public restroom story, I read it in a parenting magazine when I was pregnant. (just a coincidence that her son shares the same name as mine)

Potty Training
This story is for anyone who has ever potty-trained or plans to potty
train a child.
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in
the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you
never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully
cranked. There've been several
embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would
have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished
this more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall:
''Mommy , are you gonna go potty?
Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?
Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing?
Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in
the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5?
Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut
out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:
'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?
Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy!
Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere.
Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some
candy!'
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her?
Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely
waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why
don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy.
We'll both have some.
'No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.
Oh! Mommy!'
He started to gag at this point.
'Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up.
Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!!
Dat is so gross!!'
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began
to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count
four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard
this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!'
He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown
laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy?
You wooking under da door?
What were you wooking at?
Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.
'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.'
He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your
hands? I want to go out!!'
I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's
the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every
bit of my dignit y and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big,
cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little
hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as
Mommy to this little fellow.
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives
with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses
public restrooms)

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lmao omg that was hilarious

LMAO, Mango thats some funny shit!

Kids, can't take'em anywhere unless you gag'em and put'em in a harness.

LOL that kids story was hillarious.