I was recently told that it is nicer to not answer the phone when a guy calls who I am not interested in, instead of answering the phone to tell him that I have no interest. The reason I was given was- since the person and you have no history together, shooting him down would be nicer to do it in an impersonal way. However, if you did have history together, then you should answer the phone.

Do you agree with this view? Why or why not?

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Regardless of the relationship, having a past or not, I think a person should initially tell the person you are not interested. If the person persist in trying to contact you, you might need to start ignoring the calls. From what I have heard some people consider the first rejection as a come on, that he/she should try harder to get your attention.

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I just can't help myself. Risk it all with me.

The old days of impersonal messages, chivalry, and reading between the lines is far gone with the Y generation. That works much better in a political campaign or people from the days of tradition and conservatism who knew the meaning of unsaid "implications". Today everyone expects a McDonald's world. Fast service and fast answers. Two phone calls later they think you're an item. Well, maybe at Walmart! LOL. The truest and effective method is the way you like to be treated - do unto others as others do unto you. I think for most people that is the direct no bs way and being upfront. Whether you're with someone for a short time and you "know" them or someone you just met at a club just tell them the truth. Not everyone understands impersonal methods and worst yet, potential psychos and stalkers don't understand the meaning of no means no. It's better to cut them off in their tracks before they even start. Otherwise when they hear an answering machine they think literally - you're not home. So they keep trying and trying until you do. Think of them like telemarketers (at least most of them) they keep harassing you until you say otherwise. Not everyone, but you get the meaning...

I think my point is pretty clear and upfront. ...or was it?? hehe.

Oops, I think I left my answering machine on. Me bad.

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I would rather have someone tell me that they're not interested than just ignore me. I hate it when people ignore me!

It is unfortunate but I guess it really depends. As South said above, some people like to be answered directly. Not for some. Some people just read subtle signs and move on. I actually don't even ask someone out over phone, but whenever I try to get a hold of someone by phone, I call only once (unless there is very significant event going on...). If they don't answer the call or call me back, it is a done deal. So, yeah, I guess there never is a easy one-way-to-do-it-all.

I agree with North. I don't like bs or lie to people so I like to be treated the same in reverse. For me direct and upfront is the best.

.........

Either way you still have to answer the phone. It's better to let the guy know before you give out your number that you are not interested.

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This is how I would handle it:

1st time.. tell him you are not interested in a polite way.
2nd time.. tell him you are not interested in a firmer way.
3rd time...answer and tell him to leave you alone or you will put out a restraining order on his ass.

If he is sane, he will leave you the fvck alone after that. If he isn't smart, well pop him with both barrels.

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Ditto

I'm guilty again. I haven't picked up the phone for this one guy who keeps calling me.

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