I hear a lot of people bashing those who care about looks. Many go to the extreme of saying they don't matter at all. And say that "only personality is important". There doesn't seem to be as many of those here. But surely there are some.

How important is personality to you. How many areas of personality must match up? Would you refuse someone who doesn't share your music tastes? Your movie taste? Your academic interests? Your political view? Your religion?
Would you refuse someone for for having a mental disorder like Asperger's syndrome or bipolar disorder? Would you refuse someone who smoked or drank? Would you refuse someone who'd ever been in jail?

When I though of exactly what personality is...and it's a lot of things... these were some of the first things that came to my mind. Oddly, most of these things I listed take the back seat to either other parts of personality I can't think of and looks. yea, I just rambled this part; I must be shallow. LOL.

Seriously, what say you all? How much of a match is "the" match or not?

.........

How important is personality to you.

Very important

How many areas of personality must match up?

About 80%

Would you refuse someone who doesn't share your music tastes?

No

Your movie taste?

No

Your academic interests?

Yes

Your political view?

No

Your religion?

No

Would you refuse someone for for having a mental disorder like Asperger's syndrome or bipolar disorder?

Yes! Because I tend to attract bi polar people!

Would you refuse someone who smoked or drank?

Refuse both because I used to be a drinker not a smoker myself.

Would you refuse someone who'd ever been in jail?

No.

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Jag är en miljardären

Jag älskar varma kvinnor

Just a reminder

Swede's Blonde Angels!

My favorite one is the blonde one on the far right!

I love them all!!

I challenge those that say "only personality is important", otherwise none of us would be here. I could be down the street shagging the local peddler or dry humping the boyz in village if looks didn't matter.

"say, grandpa is looking mighty hot taking out those dentures..."
yeah.. no. We're all shallow in our own way, some more than others.

I'm of the opinion that personality will go a long way in a relationship though. Who wants to spend time with a person with the personality of a rock? I've had a relationships where we don't see eye to eye on many things. Whats more important than traits matching up I think is the sharing of experiences, fun and laughter between two people. Traits such as those on dating sites etc.. to me are really superfluous.

There are some traits and characteristics that some people deem to be important while others not so much. And its the importance of those traits and characteristics for each individual that help them determine if they are compatible. Lets say, as a recreational hobby I enjoyed sacrificing animals on a altar as an offering to Cthulhu. Chances are, I won't be going fishing with someone who is fundamentally religious.

A match is a match if you and the other person can understand each others differences and enjoy the more primal things in life. Everything else is filler.

Someone pass my dagger...

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"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

Experiences fundamentally determine beliefs and opinions, the foundation of personality traits. They are essentially one and the same. Chicken and the egg theory if you will.. However, I agree dating site "traits" are superfluous. They are there to provide a cosmetic overview where one can skim a profile and determine in 2 sec "this person seems interesting..". Basically a database query.


You haven't met the religious right. lol.

.

Well introduce me dammit! Sounds like a match made in Cthulhu heaven!

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"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

If you are shallow then so am I. I feel if I can stay away from/ don’t get involved with some of these things don’t I deserve someone that did the same.

How important is personality to you
Personality is very important to me. A good personality can make a person that isn’t socially considered handsome handsome (I’m not saying Mr Monster will win me over with a phenomenal personality but Mr. Average can become my heart and I would hope vice versa). The same goes if Mr. World will become Mr. Monster if his personality sucks.
How many areas of personality must match up?
I would want to be with someone that has similar moral and family values.
Would you refuse someone who doesn't share your music tastes?
If I refused someone because we don't share the same taste in music I would be shallow in my eyes. In any case I have such a wide range when it comes to music that if we can’t find a common ground that we don’t need to be together.
Your movie taste?
I like a lot of old movies so I don’t see many guys liking what I like. We will just find common ground. (this is become such a trite statement)
Your academic interests?
I believe in higher education for myself but I believe college isn’t for everyone. It would be hard for me to accept someone that hasn’t finished at least High School. If they have finished HS and the person is working hard at something and succeeding I would be accepting. I value a hard worker.
Your political view?
I don’t really have a political view. As long as we don’t get into too many heated debates about what we don’t agree on it would be fine.
Your religion?
As long as he doesn’t try to force his views on me and vice versa we can work anything out.
Would you refuse someone for having a mental disorder like Asperger's syndrome or bipolar disorder?
This maybe more than what I can handle.
Would you refuse someone who smoked or drank?
I don’t want a smoker. I’m allergic and it’s unhealthy. I am fine with an occasional drink, even tipsy but drunk falling on the floor, no thank you.
Would you refuse someone who'd ever been in jail?
Some people make mistakes when they are young, or regardless when they went in learn a lesson and turn their life around when they get out…but my feeling is if I could make a decision to stay out of trouble why can’t I find someone that has made the same decisions as me.

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I just can't help myself. Risk it all with me.

personality is the most important, but initial attraction is important too, especially for establishing the foundation of the relationship. Just have to remember that in times all looks fade.

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People who say looks don't matter are LYING -- physical attraction is essential. I don't mean that the other person has to be drop-dead gorgeous ... I mean that there has to be some "spark" that makes the heart beat a bit faster. After that, personality comes into play. There are certain qualities I look for in a person that are pretty important in sustaining a relationship with me:

Intelligence -- articulate with a good wit, knowledgable without being a know-it-all, and able to keep up his end of the conversation

Sense of humor -- if we can't laugh together, all bets are off

Kindness and courteousness -- if he's rude to the server in the restaurant, or makes derogatory remarks about others, he's not likely to last for long

Confidence -- self-assured without being arrogant

Cultured -- huntin', fishin', 'rasslin, and tractor pulls aren't my cup of tea -- I need someone with at least a bit of polish

Non-smoker -- not negotiable

Having been married to an alcoholic, I look for signs of a tendency in that direction, but don't insist that the people I date be non-drinkers. Mental illness .... jail time? I'd have to consider that on a case-by-case basis.

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So many (Asian) men ... so little time ... ha ha

An interesting question, not in an original way, but an honest way. The same for some responses I read above. I generally agree with what has been said: the looks do matter in so far as the initial attraction starts. I only realized this recently, but it seems that if a woman can't keep me stare at her for the first two (or even, three seconds) at the first time I saw her, I won't even put her in the "dating" zone in my mind. Of course, it can change, especially if she was really having a bad day and later I saw her with much better facial expression, clothing style, etc.

Now, to the meat of the question-the personality: I think (again like many said above) this is something that keeps relationship going, but also it is something that is even OVERLOOKED during the initial timing of dating. Maybe this is worse for us men; when we are really attracted to ladies, our brain tends to throw away the rationality out of the window, only to regret it when the things go bad (useful trivial information: human brains are protected by Brain Blood Barrier, but testosterone can pass this barrier with no restriction. Get a clue?).

I really don't have a set criteria though. I certainly have some things I will not negotiate. I don't want possessive, and more particularly, controlling types. I had a dose of that, thank you very much...beginning from when I was a child. And I certainly don't want someone who is self-centered so thoroughly that her idea of relationship is fixated on "me" rather than "we." I also would like to keep my non-smoker's seat whereever I go. Lastly, yes, it is sad but true that I will have second thoughts about jail-doves and those with mental disorders. Still, as long as these danger zones are (relatively) clear, I tend to be lenient as long as she is someone who is willing to try and tolerate what she is not always used to. Political views, religion, etc really are not huge issues. I have dated those with drastically different ideas than mine, but we ended up spending more quality time debating these things and getting to know each other even better