Preference for dating asians a hidden negative? - Page 2 - PROAZN.COM COMMUNITY: Asian Men and All Races of Women Coming Together

**mango girl** · #11 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProAzn

You are correct Mango Girl.

It's nice when I find other white girls that can think the same way I do (like you for instance). A couple of white girls I met, that knew of my preference, couldn't understand it. But they only dated white guys and found Asian men unattractive overall. It didn't seem to matter if the guys were a good person, it was how they looked physically. They thought they were too small and didn't like their eyes. They just couldn't understand my attraction even after I explained that it goes way deeper than the physical with me about Asian men. But see, it takes a person who is open minded to begin with to dare to step outside their own race to date. I have always been open minded and I dated outside my race from day one. It helped that I came from a family that was very open to begin with. My parents never restricted me when I first started dating on race. Never did they tell me the guy had to be white and no other race. So it helped to be raised with that mentality.

That being said, I still found I prefer Asian men overall.

If you had met me last year, I wouldn't have understood your attraction for asian men.

It took falling in love with MGB for me to change my opinion on finding them attractive. I've written it more eloquently on a couple other boards. I'll repost part of it, but It's long!

(Gigi = mango girl's boyfriend and Asian affinity was the first forum we found, and that was pretty much by accident)

I’ll start at the beginning. I am the white chick who bought into every racial stereotype about Asian men. I come from the whitest-white background imaginable. In my high school there was literally one Asian family, one black and a few mixed Latinos. To this day, and the town as experienced an influx of minorities (haha) the town is still about 94% white. My vast knowledge of the Asian male was based on John Huges movies and influenced by the regional racism towards Japanese at the time (Grew up in Detroit area during the 80s and 90s. I didn’t consider myself a racist. But I was. (well in a way I think everyone is to a certain extent) Not in terms of hate, but because I had already made my decision regarding every Asian man as unacceptable. I just wasn’t attracted to them. I am a big girl, I thought how silly we would look, some tiny Asian man and me. I don’t want to be with a man who looks like I could floss my ass with him….

Now to fast forward to the near present. What started as a friendship with a Chinese male grew into love. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. Maybe because it began online, because I never had a chance to openly reject him based oh physical appearance (although at times during our budding friendship I had images of Long Duck Dong dashing about madly in a thong. , By the time I realized I had feelings for him I convinced myself he wouldn’t reciprocate. Then one day it all came flooding out, we admitted to each other that the pull was there. God I love that day!

As our relationship began to progress, Gigi talked about race issues from time to time and I brushed them off. Gigi had dated white women before, so he knew what to expect. I kept reassuring him that it didn’t matter what other people thought. He never argued with me, but at times would gently make examples. When we first went out in public I was just so happy to be with him that I was oblivious if other people reacted to us as a couple or not. I did have a few fleeting thoughts that I quickly brushed aside, mostly when we were out with my son. I have a blonde, blue-eyed son from my previous marriage who is obviously not Gigi’s! I felt that people might look at me as just looking for the best father for my son and not because I honestly loved the man! I always pushed those thoughts flippantly with who cares what other people really think, I’m happy.

We used to joke about what people would think of us when they saw us as a couple. Anything from "Aw look she’s out with her tutor" to "Look he nailed himself a white trophy wife." I hid behind the humor. I wouldn’t face that I might possibly be affected by the differences in our race.

I started to notice things one weekend we went away to VA. I seemed to be treated coldly by an Asian waitress. I felt people watching us. I was still oblivious to most of it, as Gigi later pointed out other things that happened that weekend, like some Chinese women giving me a snarky look behind my back. I still continued to brush off any feelings I may have about it. I refused to look at our races. Race couldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t even a consideration

Something happened this week that gave me a wakeup call. And it wasn’t experience racism, but learning something about myself. Gigi and I were having a spirited debate about who the hottest male Celebrity chef was. He felt Rocco DiSpirito and I was adamant on Bobby Flay (more attitude than looks!) Anyway, to settle the argument I decided to do an Internet search and look at all the male celebrity chefs and chose the hottest one once and for all. My answer shocked me. It wasn’t Bobby Flay, or even that hot aussie from Take Home Chef…it was Ming Tsai. Holy cow…how had I gone from almost repulsion at the thought of an Asian man to him now being my ideal? It was because I loved Gigi.
So one realization leads to another…which is what brings me here. Now that I can admit it’s about race, and yes I love a Chinese male…I became almost insatiably curious about finding porn featuring Chinese men. Not an easy task haha. So we found club amwf and through that this sight. While I was getting my post count up to see the uploads section and then frantically searching porn, Gigi was poking around over on Asian affinity. He asked me to go check out the couples pic thread which I did.

Looking at that thread opened a floodgate of emotions for me. First relief at seeing other AMWF couples it was nice to know I wasn’t alone. Especially the photographs of couples taken in public made me realize how naïve I’d been to think that I could be in this relationship and not feel the effects of racism. I’d felt it already, just brushed it aside and ignored it. I’m up to the challenge, but I think I realize now that I might not come out on the other side completely unscathed. It’s going to have a profound effect on me, on our relationship, on our children we may eventually have together, as well as our friends and extended families.

**ProAzn** · #12 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mango girl

If you had met me last year, I wouldn't have understood your attraction for asian men.

It took falling in love with MGB for me to change my opinion on finding them attractive. I've written it more eloquently on a couple other boards. I'll repost part of it, but It's long!

(Gigi = mango girl's boyfriend and Asian affinity was the first forum we found, and that was pretty much by accident)

I’ll start at the beginning. I am the white chick who bought into every racial stereotype about Asian men. I come from the whitest-white background imaginable. In my high school there was literally one Asian family, one black and a few mixed Latinos. To this day, and the town as experienced an influx of minorities (haha) the town is still about 94% white. My vast knowledge of the Asian male was based on John Huges movies and influenced by the regional racism towards Japanese at the time (Grew up in Detroit area during the 80s and 90s. I didn’t consider myself a racist. But I was. (well in a way I think everyone is to a certain extent) Not in terms of hate, but because I had already made my decision regarding every Asian man as unacceptable. I just wasn’t attracted to them. I am a big girl, I thought how silly we would look, some tiny Asian man and me. I don’t want to be with a man who looks like I could floss my ass with him….

Now to fast forward to the near present. What started as a friendship with a Chinese male grew into love. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. Maybe because it began online, because I never had a chance to openly reject him based oh physical appearance (although at times during our budding friendship I had images of Long Duck Dong dashing about madly in a thong. , By the time I realized I had feelings for him I convinced myself he wouldn’t reciprocate. Then one day it all came flooding out, we admitted to each other that the pull was there. God I love that day!

As our relationship began to progress, Gigi talked about race issues from time to time and I brushed them off. Gigi had dated white women before, so he knew what to expect. I kept reassuring him that it didn’t matter what other people thought. He never argued with me, but at times would gently make examples. When we first went out in public I was just so happy to be with him that I was oblivious if other people reacted to us as a couple or not. I did have a few fleeting thoughts that I quickly brushed aside, mostly when we were out with my son. I have a blonde, blue-eyed son from my previous marriage who is obviously not Gigi’s! I felt that people might look at me as just looking for the best father for my son and not because I honestly loved the man! I always pushed those thoughts flippantly with who cares what other people really think, I’m happy.

We used to joke about what people would think of us when they saw us as a couple. Anything from "Aw look she’s out with her tutor" to "Look he nailed himself a white trophy wife." I hid behind the humor. I wouldn’t face that I might possibly be affected by the differences in our race.

I started to notice things one weekend we went away to VA. I seemed to be treated coldly by an Asian waitress. I felt people watching us. I was still oblivious to most of it, as Gigi later pointed out other things that happened that weekend, like some Chinese women giving me a snarky look behind my back. I still continued to brush off any feelings I may have about it. I refused to look at our races. Race couldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t even a consideration

Something happened this week that gave me a wakeup call. And it wasn’t experience racism, but learning something about myself. Gigi and I were having a spirited debate about who the hottest male Celebrity chef was. He felt Rocco DiSpirito and I was adamant on Bobby Flay (more attitude than looks!) Anyway, to settle the argument I decided to do an Internet search and look at all the male celebrity chefs and chose the hottest one once and for all. My answer shocked me. It wasn’t Bobby Flay, or even that hot aussie from Take Home Chef…it was Ming Tsai. Holy cow…how had I gone from almost repulsion at the thought of an Asian man to him now being my ideal? It was because I loved Gigi.
So one realization leads to another…which is what brings me here. Now that I can admit it’s about race, and yes I love a Chinese male…I became almost insatiably curious about finding porn featuring Chinese men. Not an easy task haha. So we found club amwf and through that this sight. While I was getting my post count up to see the uploads section and then frantically searching porn, Gigi was poking around over on Asian affinity. He asked me to go check out the couples pic thread which I did.

Looking at that thread opened a floodgate of emotions for me. First relief at seeing other AMWF couples it was nice to know I wasn’t alone. Especially the photographs of couples taken in public made me realize how naïve I’d been to think that I could be in this relationship and not feel the effects of racism. I’d felt it already, just brushed it aside and ignored it. I’m up to the challenge, but I think I realize now that I might not come out on the other side completely unscathed. It’s going to have a profound effect on me, on our relationship, on our children we may eventually have together, as well as our friends and extended families.

That is a beautiful story. I truly wish you both the best. I am sure you will make it together.. and why not? Love is a powerful thing. I can tell you are very happy together and it warms my heart to see it.

Welcome to the world of Asian men. I am glad you made the transition. They are beautiful and well worth it when you find a good one.

Mellow Yellow · #13 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 12:22 PM

Hey nice post MG. I really admire your courage in sharing your deep personal thoughts and experiences. This should be "stickied"!

Those Asian girls are mean aren't they?

AZN · #14 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mellow Yellow

Hey nice post MG. I really admire your courage in sharing your deep personal thoughts and experiences. This should be "stickied"!

Those Asian girls are mean aren't they?

Done. Stickied and sent to Zoints communities.

.

Lioness · #15 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ProAzn

I get asked this a lot. Why do I date Asian men exclusively? When I meet an Asian man, it's doesn't take long before this question gets ask.

This is as honest as an answer on this subject that I can give. My best relationship experiences have been with Asian men. And to be 100% honest with you guys, I am physically attracted to them. It's a preference of mine.

But let me give you an example how I am:

If I were the only woman left in the world and there was a guy from each race waiting in a room, and I had to choose one of them (This is just an example to try to explain myself) I would probably go to the Asian guy first because that is what attracts me. But if he turned out to be a bad person or an asshole, i would move on to the next guy even though he isn't Asian.

Yes, I prefer Asian men, but I would not settle for a man that is not right for me just because he is Asian. I have met rotten Asian guys believe me. So I wouldn't date a man or stay with him just because he is Asian.

This has always been a little difficult to make people understand about me. I dated men of all races and it was mainly in the last few years that I came to find that I just prefer Asian men overall. I feel as long as I don't date a guy just because he is Asian and let him mistreat me and put up with it, just because he is Asian, then I accept that this is just the way I am.

Believe me, I have been judged on this before and to be honest, I don't really care what someone thinks. I know I like Asian men for all the right reasons, so judgments don't bother me.

Oh and one other thing, just because I prefer Asian men doesn't mean I am an easy lay. A few I went out with would tell you that is definitely not true. If the guy is not a good person or an asshole, I don't care if he is the most handsome Asian man in the world, he is not getting any of me.

Very well said--I second it.

I think some people think that if I say I love or prefer Asian men, that means that I am open to any Asian man.

Not so, not so....

**ProAzn** · #16 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 05:01 PM

Yeap Lioness I get the same thing from some Asian guys. They think your so easy you will date/sleep with any of them. Uh... wrong.. LOL

But thank goodness there are some of them that don't think that.

Lioness · #17 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 05:01 PM

I meant it when I seconded ProAzn's post, but I really can't rest until I say more about this topic. If you're not in the mood to read my whole post, you could just read the first paragraph below.

Honestly, I think all of this kind of attitude is a symptom of a larger problem with modern life—we take something that is inherently good and add enough cynicism and overanalysis until we are convinced that it must be a bad thing. This is what gave birth to the too-popular modern phrase "You're having too much fun!" (Is there such a thing? Fun is healthy; fun is in large part what keeps couples together.) So, guys, don't take a positive thing (the fact that we adore you and think you are the sexiest things on the planet) and turn it into a negative thing (we must be racists, we just have a fetish, we're just easy lays, etc). Just enjoy us—have "too much fun" with us!

About considering the attraction to AMs "racism":

So, if I prefer to date only Asian men, that makes me a racist. Then, if I prefer to date only males, and not females, by the same logic that makes me a sexist, right?

Well, sexism in dating/sex is considered the norm—most of us are not bisexual. Hence, I say that one's personal preference in dating and sex is the one area where "racism" is allowed!!!! (There, I said it!) Of course I don't condone racism in civil treatment, job hiring, or any other aspect of life, but this is different—this is a person's most intimate life, sexuality, body, connection to the soul—in this we do have a right to our preferences!

About using the term "fetish":

Calling us fetishists has already been discussed somewhere in this group before, but since it came up again, here are the dictionary definitions (from dictionary.com):

1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
3. Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

In all cases, an object or a singular body part is the focus of the fetish, not a whole person. I love Asian guys' eyes, but I wouldn’t be turned on if a white guy went out and had eye surgery to look more Asian—what I love is the whole Asian package (the pun was not intended, but I like it! he he).

About the term "easy lay":

This kind of thinking puts the entire focus on the man's desires and discounts the woman's—the assumption is that she has something he wants, and she should withhold it from him for as long as possible to prove she is not "easy." Well, the truth is I love my sexuality and I am free to give it or withhold it as I see fit. If my libido is running as high as or higher than a guy's and we make love, say, on the second or third date, then maybe he is the "easy lay," giving it up to me too soon! :P :P :P

**ProAzn** · #18 (**permalink**) 09-30-2007, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lioness

I meant it when I seconded ProAzn's post, but I really can't rest until I say more about this topic. If you're not in the mood to read my whole post, you could just read the first paragraph below.

Honestly, I think all of this kind of attitude is a symptom of a larger problem with modern life—we take something that is inherently good and add enough cynicism and overanalysis until we are convinced that it must be a bad thing. This is what gave birth to the too-popular modern phrase "You're having too much fun!" (Is there such a thing? Fun is healthy; fun is in large part what keeps couples together.) So, guys, don't take a positive thing (the fact that we adore you and think you are the sexiest things on the planet) and turn it into a negative thing (we must be racists, we just have a fetish, we're just easy lays, etc). Just enjoy us—have "too much fun" with us!

About considering the attraction to AMs "racism":

So, if I prefer to date only Asian men, that makes me a racist. Then, if I prefer to date only males, and not females, by the same logic that makes me a sexist, right?

Well, sexism in dating/sex is considered the norm—most of us are not bisexual. Hence, I say that one's personal preference in dating and sex is the one area where "racism" is allowed!!!! (There, I said it!) Of course I don't condone racism in civil treatment, job hiring, or any other aspect of life, but this is different—this is a person's most intimate life, sexuality, body, connection to the soul—in this we do have a right to our preferences!

About using the term "fetish":

Calling us fetishists has already been discussed somewhere in this group before, but since it came up again, here are the dictionary definitions (from dictionary.com):

1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades.
3. Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

In all cases, an object or a singular body part is the focus of the fetish, not a whole person. I love Asian guys' eyes, but I wouldn’t be turned on if a white guy went out and had eye surgery to look more Asian—what I love is the whole Asian package (the pun was not intended, but I like it! he he).

About the term "easy lay":

This kind of thinking puts the entire focus on the man's desires and discounts the woman's—the assumption is that she has something he wants, and she should withhold it from him for as long as possible to prove she is not "easy." Well, the truth is I love my sexuality and I am free to give it or withhold it as I see fit. If my libido is running as high as or higher than a guy's and we make love, say, on the second or third date, then maybe he is the "easy lay," giving it up to me too soon! :P :P :P

I'm with you on this too.

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