The Truth About True Love: To the women of the forum

[Siren]

Blog

From birth women are taught to believe in the idea of True love. We are taught that we
NEED this as we need air, water or food. It is read to us in fairy tales, seen on TV and in
movies, it's all around us from the moment we are born. Some women devote their
entire lives to the search of this elusive "True Love" only to find their efforts fruitless.
I was one of these women.




As women of generation X head into our late twenties, we watch our friends get
married and get their own personal fairy tale wishes. This is especially difficult to
endure when you yourself want it so badly. In my own experience, I have been married
but felt extremely cheated out of my fairy tale. Instead of an expensive lavish white
gown I got a 40 dollar prom gown from a JC Penny clearance rack. Instead of a limo I
got a broken down old ford escort. Instead of an orchestra I got a homeless man with a
trumpet playing "Here Comes The Bride" (I shit you not.). Instead of Prince Charming, I
got an alcoholic, abusive moron. Instead of a dream honeymoon on some exotic island I
got dinner at Joes Crab Shack and a drunk new husband with whiskey dick. Am I bitter?
Sure am.


After that relationship went sour and headed to divorce court, I dated man after man
only to find that I was chasing something that didn't exist. The perfect man. Then well,
one day I found him! He was sweet, beautiful on the inside and not half bad outside
either! He was intelligent and witty, he made me smile and made my heart flutter at the
very thought of him. For a short time life was a beautiful place to be. Afraid to let this
one go, I became somewhat clingy, ok, very clingy. I ended up pushing him away and
he broke up with me a few months after our relationship started. He had every right to
and I blame only myself. I took the breakup hard, I started using substances that made
me forget the emotional pain I was in. I spiraled down a path I don't care to talk about. I
lied to him, I used him, I made his life a miserable mess and I did it all without realizing
it, under the influence of substances. Though I am sober now, and trying as hard as I can
to move on with life as best I can, I often wonder "What if?"

What if I hadn't been so clingy and needy to start with? Would he still be with me now?
What if I had done something differently? Would I be walking down the isle right now
with the man of my dreams? Would I be happy? What if? What if? What if?!!

After careful consideration and a lot of soul searching, the answer to all these questions
and "What ifs" is relatively simple. A strong, resounding, NO. We would NOT still be
together, why? Because we are two totally different people and still both have a good bit
of growing to do as individuals before either of us can truly love another person. I
wouldn't be happy for the simple reason that we make our own happiness and I was
confused about this for a very long time. I thought (as all women are taught) that I need
a MAN to be happy. This is a common mistake women make, we don't need a man, we
don't need anyone but ourselves. The day you admit to needing another human being is
the day you can stamp a big fat EPIC FAIL on your life. The only person you need is
yourself. Realizing this is hard but important. For without loving yourself and making
yourself happy, you cannot truly make another individual happy.


As for True love? It exists, I found it briefly. Will I go searching it out again? No, why?
Because I have a lot more searching in myself to do first. Once I completely learn to love
me, love will walk in the door. Until then, searching it out will simply lead to more
fruitless efforts and a lot more heartache

[ProAzn]

I am happy that you believe now that it's you that has to make yourself happy. I know I posted that to you several times in the past. Never think a man is the key to your happiness. No one has the right to put that responsibility on someone else's shoulders. It's your own responsibility. I am happy you have descovered this.

And you are right.. once you are completely happy with yourself, a good man will come along and love you too.

[mangohare]

After all, we are all alone in this planet......period. Bunch of loners trying to carve a niche for ourselves....

I don't mean it in a desolate, cold and Satritic or Nichean way. I mean it in a natural way. We must supply our own universe with grace, life and meaning since we have no clue how to do it together.

After we figure out that we don't have to be alone, I think the rest of the galaxy and the Universe will welcome us in to their society....Until then we can be too choosy.

Would you welcome someone who would lay you're house to waste? I don't think so.

[jackstar]

WOW! For once I totally know what you're saying Mango, I agree!