It seems odd to me that I've been watching these forums, watching the way things change between people how relationships form and fall apart. I enjoy seeing the excitement when new relationships begin and I ache with each of you as old ones end, and I sit at the sidelines keeping mostly quiet about the one close to me.

I realized that by watching the way things come and go for each of you, the way some of you have found and the way some are still looking, I am able to understand how things can eventually turn out, and I can look at myself and take my own advice.

I'm single again. Back at these crossroads with somewhat of a hole in my heart. The possibilities ended, the hope and the expectation all laid to rest. It feels funny when you find yourself back on this side of the road, after you've given all you could give, but it's peaceful after all.

Situations just weren't right for that "everlasting" something. Difficult times caused him to think about how he would end up treating my heart. When he realized he couldn't give me what I wanted and what he felt I deserved he handed my heart back to me, as gently as anyone ever could. I made him nervous. He thought I would be angry or irrational, that I wouldn't understand. I was hurt, and I cried, and still I feel that there are more tears left to shed but I understood. How could I not? When a precious friend just can't handle anymore on their plate, stepping back is the best thing to do.

I've never wanted to be friends with any of my exes. Ever. But this is the first time where I feel like I hope it works out that way.

So here I am again, back at beginning. A different beginning, but one none the less. Following the same pattern as usual. But tomorrow is a new day, isn't it? And what good is it to sit at the roadside, wishing the path was different.

Just giving you all an update, because I know I'm not very vocal about my love life.

I guess it's time to start walking again.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

"There is no opinion worth burning your neighbor for" ~ Voltaire

That's too bad. I've had three long-term (more than a year) relationships, and each time one ended, it took a while to adjust to being "single" again. I think we all have a "single" self and a "couple" self, and it takes some time to switch between the two. While I do enjoy being single, I also miss the intimacy and companionship of a relationship... on the other hand, I know I'll experience that again, and I'm looking forward to it!

Hang in there and be good to yourself.

Sorry Odrah, I dont know what to say other than I know what you're going through, I have had more than one love leave my life, my husband and highschool sweet heart of 6 years (total) and my 3 year olds dad, most recently Jon, Its not easy, but I think you are a stronger person than I am and can push through it. I wish I could give you something I've been working on but I signed an NDA saying I couldnt until it's published. It's a self help book of all things lol Things will reveal in time, but if you can hang on for another month I'll be able to give it to you. As for taking your own advice, that's good, I wish I could take mine but I think, my advice helps everyone but myself as it is too late to do so in the manner I want. I wish you luck and will light a candle for your old relationship and hope you have a new one soon, just remember a few things ,

1. I know you're still in shock because it JUST happened, allow yourself time to get over it and feel any feelings that come to you. They are your feelings and you have a right to feel them. The mind always wants to move on but the heart lags behind so not taking time to grieve will ultimately hurt your future relationships. Let yourself heal however long it takes.

2. Get over the anger you feel (or will feel soon). Write a list of everything you're angry at yourself about, another list of everything you're angry at your partner about, and another list about everything you're angry at the situation. Then I want you to go through a forgiveness process, sit down, read over every thing on your list one at a time and (forgiving is HARD don't be mistaken that this will take just a few minutes, it will take weeks if you do it correctly and truly forgive), sit and imagion white light wrapping around the angry memory, and hold out the paper, all the things that weighed a ton are actually light and airy like the paper. Let them go. Forgive. Because with Forgiveness can be forged new love.

That's the only thing I can help you with (but I'm sure you already know about these things and how important they are, being a smart woman yourself).


hugs,
Missy

I really like that idea of having a "single" and "couple" self. I think that matches the feeling pretty well. Adjusting is the stumbling block. I suppose that this adjustment period for me won't be as hard as any of us suspect, as it was a long distance relationship. The time we did spend together was fantastic but most of the time we weren't together, so being single all of the sudden will really be more of an emotional adjustment than an adjustment to the way I live my life. The only daily events I'll have to adjust to not having are the nightly phone calls and the hundreds and hundreds of text messages.

There's really a feeling of exhaustion as well, almost like the kind you get when you've just done something very physically straining. So love is like climbing a mountain, and if somehow you don't succeed you're just so tired at the end of the day.

Thank you for all of your spectacular advice. A lot of your advice is very emotoinally healing and I've written forgive lists before. The thing is, that this time around, there's nothing to forgive. I'm not angry, I'm not mad and I don't feel cheated or rejected. I'm just sad that it was the right thing at the wrong time, and who can mess with that? And who is there to be angry at? It's no one's fault that circumstances are the way they are and because of the nature of the break up there's no hard feelings on either side. So it's just the sudden absence of it all that feels strange and makes me sad.

When you have something great and then it just doesn't work out because, well, it just can't that's when things get confusing. Who do you blame it on? Who are you mad at? Who do you let it out on? No one. There's that absence of rage there that just makes me a little more emotoinally raw this time around.

I appreciate both of you giving your support, I knew I'd find wise advice on this forum.

__________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

"There is no opinion worth burning your neighbor for" ~ Voltaire

I'm glad you have such a positive outlook on the ending of this relationship. So few people seem to be able to. If you want to stay friends with your ex, I hope it works out but remember to not let your relationship past cloud any future relationships. Not everyone understands being able to stay friends with an ex, as you may know. Some may become suspecious or resentful of the two of you and what time you shared or will share.

__________________

I just can't help myself. Risk it all with me.

It's not easy being where you are--I've been there more than I'd like to remember. Relationships can be very rewarding, but exhausting. It sucks when you put time and effort into something and then it doesn't work out; we always start out with such high hopes for the future. Kudos to you for looking on the bright side and also understanding what your friend is going through. Being mature, taking the high road, and understanding why a relationship did or did not work out is what we're told we "should" do--but that's not always an easy thing to accomplish.

I'm not going to give you the usual 'song and dance'; you know, "things will get better; you'll meet the love of your life when you least expect it," blah blah blah (hearing that over and over gets old as well, eh?). Be kind to yourself and do some things that maybe you put off while you were involved--have some fun being single!

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For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Odrah, sorry to hear that. Best of luck next time.

.

Sorry to hear about it Odrah. I hope it all works out for the best.

Dang, I just saw this thread... sorry I didn't answer it before but I was ill when it was posted.. nevermind, I can comment on it now.

Odrah, I am so sorry about this. I hope you are alright and that you will get over him. I guess it helps a little that it didn't break up in a very very bad way. I know it still hurts though.

Better luck next time. You are still pretty young too (although I think sometimes you are older than you really are by your posts) so that's on your side as well.

HUGS.. I hope you will be alright.

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