I'm sorry if its offensive in some manner. I meant it to express my sarcastic sense of humor and at the same time to make people think. I don't think the way it is written. I wrote it for fun. I will continue writing it though. This doesn't reffer to members here, just to people who are very mainstream and don't think. Enjoy though.

A Satirical Guide to Living in this society

On going out:
For Women
When you go out to a bar or club, don't forget to put on mascara, foundation, blush, lip gloss, eye shadow, mousse, hair spray, deodorant, eye pencil, nail polish and last but not least, clothes.

For Men
When you go out to a bar or a club, put on some deodorant and hair gel, and clothes as well.

On Clothes:
For Women
Be sure to buy clothes that leave very little to imagination, that expose a lot of flesh, and don't forget to buy shoes with very high heels. After all, its very important that women look like they're street hookers.

For Men
Be sure to buy low-riding jeans, wear a baseball cap backwards, along with sunglasses, a fur lined jacket, with lots of rings on the fingers. Its very important for men to look like they're pimps.

On Sex:
For Women
Its okay to have 10 sexual partners in an entire lifetime, its better to have 20 sexual partners, and its great to have 100 or more sexual partners. Don't worry about the emotional or physical impact. After all, neither pregnancy nor STDs can ever happen to you.

For Men
You don't have to look for a meaningful relationship. In this day and age, have as much sex as you want. If a woman is pregnant, then you can always run away and claim its not your kid (even if it is) there's plenty of women to provide comfort in the time of need.

On Dating:
For Women
Asian- Date whoever you want to. MOst likely, you'd want to date that hottie blonde haired boy with a long and thick penis. Let's not forget that you're the poor woman who's trying to escape the oppressive family environment where the mother is treated like garbage and father controls everything.
Black- Go for white. After all, most black guys are bad and are drug dealers and owe too much money support. Doesn't Maury show and others support that point of view? But with a white guy, you're going to the top!
WASP-Date either a black guy or a white guy. Don't worry about Asians, Hispanics and Native Americans. White men do have more achievements, and their dicks are much larger than other races. If dating a black guy though, don't forget about that their dicks are much more bigger than those of white men, although most of them are bad people, no?
Jew-Marry a Jewish man. Don't marry anyone but Jew, even if somewhere along the line you two shared a common ancestor.

For Men
Asian-Forget any woman dating you! You can always crush on that cute Asian chick or blonde haired white gal, but they won't ever go out with you!
Black-Date either a black woman or a white woman. You know they want you, and that long long dick of yours that they hear so much about. Just don't tell them that it's very short, okay?
WASP-You are in charge, you are teh king! If you want to date a black woman, then she's yours. If you want to date a cute Asian gal, don't worry, she'll want you too. After all, you're sweet, romantic, and always the hero.
Jew-You fall along the lines of a WASP male. Enjoy the freedom you have!

On Interracial Marriages
Asian
Asian female and white male: What a great and perfect couple! He's such a hero to rescue her from the oppressive woman hating culture
Asian female and black male: Unusual combination, she must really buy into the rumors of his big dick.
Black
Black female and white male: Another perfect couple. What a hero to rescue her from the life of prostitution and of ghetto.
Black female and Asian male: Those two must have a lot in common, especially since Asian females love white men, and black men love white women.
White
White female and black male: She must be marrying him because of 'once you go black, you'll never go back!'
White female and Asian male: What in nine hells does she see in him? She's a race traitor! Why doesn't she want to marry a nice white guy instead of a...a...Asian guy!

On Ideal man and woman:
FOr Women
First of all, dye your hair blonde if it isn't blonde, be sure to have blue eye contacts if you don't have blue eyes. Breasts must be bigger than an A cup, at least a D cup. Waist must be thin, must weigh 100 lbs or less, and if weigh more than a woman has to be on a diet.Hips must be wide. Buttocks have to be big, a woman absolutely must have a booty. Its okay if a woman isn't smart. Men like women who are less intelligent than they.

For Men
Have bulging muscles, eyes have to be blue, and hair has to be blonde and dick has to be long, thick and curvy. If you don't have either of the three, be sure to exercise everyday at the gym, buy blue contact lenses, and dye hair blonde. Don't worry about your weight. After all, a woman will still be with you. Not sure what advice to say if a man has a small dick.


On TV Shows:
For WOmen
Be sure to watch soap operas and don't forget to catch the latest episode of One Life to Live. Oh my, how exciting, how unpredictable and riveting this soap opera is turning out to be. It will never be finished though. It will keep going on and on.

For Men
Watch sports, sports and sports. Don't forget to buy Superbowl tickets that cost an arm and a leg and attend that important life decision game! Also, don't forget to watch 24, Sopranos, Lost, etc.

On Movies
For Women
Watch any romance movies made from Hollywood. They're all great, especially the perfect polished blonde haired actresses. They're not the same, but are different.

For Men
Watch mindless action flicks where either a black guy or a white guy are the heroes against the evil Asian guys. Its okay if its mindless.

On Media portrayal
FOr Women
Asian: Meek, tender, helpless, a damsel in distress who needs assistance of a white guy.
Black: Loud, aggressive, always using modern vernacular who also needs either a white guy or a black guy.She is always guranteed to be a best friend to one of the main white characters or a lead.
WASP: For most part they're blonde, and are often portrayed as 'normal'. Portrayed by wide variety of roles. Most often they're the pretty girls, and very rarely they're geeky.
Jewish: Ironically, they get very little media portrayal. Most often are portrayed as domineering or control freaks.

For Men
Asian: Not interested in women. Nerds, speak with a foreign accent, know martial arts. 90 percent of time they're from China or Hong Kong or Taiwan or Korea. Very rarely Japan.
Black: Very often, best friend to a white male character. In movies they already have a black girlfriend, or are married.
WASP: Play a wide variety of roles, always get a female lead, no matter the race or color. Very often portrayed as cool or the hero.
Jewish: Portrayed in the same way as WASP males are portrayed.

On Cliques
For Women
Very important time. Its important to fit in and have a life just like the way media portrays it to be. Be sure to have designer clothes, and buy the latest 'in' item. Copy the leader, or else you're out of clique in loneliness. Forget your personal feelings and thoughts. You have to fit in no matter what. The in cliques are cheerleaders and following the popular girl.

For Men
Be sure to work out 24/7 and just forget about being a good person. Girls don't like it. They like bad uncontrollable men. They always go to them. Be sure to be in football or auto tech. Don't ever talk about your feelings.

__________________
Once you go Asian, you'll never go caucasian

Hahaha that was an awesome read. I love reading satires that reflect the truths in an exaggerated manner and a joke just isn't funny to me unless it offends.

Black dicks in white chicks, my favorite genre of porno!

On Religion
There's the right religion, and wrong religion. The right religion is believing in Jesus and being a form of Protestant. Believing in Jesus will get you straight to heaven, and if you're not Christian, then you'll go to hell no matter how good of a person you are. That's right guys and gals! You'll go to hell even if you're a good person! Make sure to pass this message along to non-Christians and be sure to really shove it down their throats. They'll really convert and be scared of hell.

On Class
For Women
Grab a rich guy and marry him. Its important that the guy can afford a million dollar mansion along with an expensive BMW and clothes that are straight from the cities of Italy and France. Don't forget about the 'signature' scents of celebraties and spending 500 dollars on something that will last only a month. Intelligence doesn't matter as long as you look good for that special millionaire who has a shady history of everything, right?

For Men
Marry a dumb but beautiful girl. After all, she's your trophy wife, and you're just using her to show off how great you are compared to your friends who have ugly wives. Be sure to be in banking or in a very high proffession, prefferably a CEO to impress that dumb but beautiful girl. If you have shady dealings, don't worry, she's too dumb to realize them!

On Materialism
You know what they say, the more the better, if bigger, then better. So collect as much things as you can. They're more important than relationships with people right?

On Feelings
For Women
You can express sadness, happiness and fear. Whatever you do, don't express your anger, don't let people know that you have a temper.

For Men
Express everything but fear. You're the man after all, you don't want for people to see you afraid.

__________________
Once you go Asian, you'll never go caucasian

Very true. Your current dumber than a rock trophy chick is also easily replaceable when she gets older and her vagine isn't as tight anymore with a younger dumber than a rock trophy chick with a tight vagine.

Remember Adnan Kashogi?? Yea, exactly. Kashogi who??

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Sveta, if I was drinking something while I read this I would have spewed it all over my computer. What you wrote was awesome. I would love to read more. MGB is right, the truth exaggerated is the best read.

__________________

I just can't help myself. Risk it all with me.

I apologize if this won't be as good as others. But enjoy it i guess. Hope you guys will like it.

On Behavior
For Women
Be delicate, gracious, ladylike, always in need of a hero. Don't show the man that you can earn more money than he,and that you're more masculine than feminine. Men don't like those types of women.

For Men
Act like you know everything. Don't use any listening techniques and always butt in with your advice, even when the woman will not need it. I'm sure that sooner or later the woman will learn to appreciate your helpful nature and will follow your advice.

On Understanding the world
In order to know the world, study American media and the celebrities. Its important to know what they wore for the Oscars and Emmys and what movies they'll star in. Don't pay any attention to news relating to anything else, its useless.

On Books
For Women
Read these type of books: chick lit, romance novels that are pretty much the same, and anything recommended by Oprah. Stay away from classics and anything intelligent. Be sure to also read the tabloids for those amazing scandals and untold secrets about celebrities. You don't want for people to think you're behind times and can't think deeply.

For Men
Don't read chick lit nor romance novels. Read Playboy, sports magazines, car magazines. NO! Don't touch books! Unless they're for school. Be sure to also read manga and comic books. They have plenty of depth and intelligence in them.

On Magazines
For Women
Subscribe to cosmopolitan, glamour, Marie Claire, Better homes and gardens, any decorating magazines as well as any magazines that tell how to have the best sex of your life or that focus on how to spend money on clothes that celebrities wear.

For Men
Read TV Guide. Its useful to find out what will be seen on TV.

__________________
Once you go Asian, you'll never go caucasian

^
Some very true statements. Thanks for sharing. hehe.

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