A good Filipina friend of mine just called me. Her mother and her got into a fight again, after her brother instigated the whole scenario. My friend helps her mother pay the bills, pay for food, and rent-while her brother sits on his lazy ass and does nothing. Meanwhile, her mother has recently told her that if she leaves the house she's going to lock her out and not let her get her things. So the poor girl has been cooped up in the house all month. What I don't understand is how her mother is going to call her out as being a horrible daughter in front of her friends, humiliate her, and then allow her lazy son to stay at home causing problems. I am quite pissed off, even though this isn't my problem.

I really think she should move out of her ungrateful mother's house back to the Philippines.

So my take: Seriously, what is it with mothers who have sick crushes on their own sons?? Why all the favoritism?

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i'd grabe what i could, and move out myself!! material items can be replaced! if she has great friends.. and a job! she is prolly better off on her own. I had to make a choice for myself at 17, and i havent looked back! EVEN tho.. other family has helped me along my journey. (but not my mother)

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well how old is she? hmm i would recommend she leave and say screw it and start over, ive started over with nothing but a suitcase before and it was definately worth it, she can replace the things she leaves behind. she will be better off away from all that stress and manipulation.

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Life is about trusting our feelings and taking chances,losing and finding happiness,appreciating the memories and learning from the past.

Maybe the mother is worried that her daughter will get pregnant. I don't think it is a "sick crush" but usually I find a lot of asian families are a lot more protective over the daughters. Maybe she is just way too protective.

I think she should move out and stand on her own two feet. Like I tell my friend, her parents may hate her for a little while but will still love her no matter what.

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I agree with the others that said she needs to get out on her own.

I know in Asian families, the son is often leaned on to help support the family. The son needs to get off his ass and get a job and help his mother if he wants to live there. But I think it's not right to keep someone from living their life. Your friend needs to get the hell out of there. It's the only way she will have a life of her own.

That is just the thing. My friend is not promiscuous. She is the type of daughter people would want. Yes she has her flaws, but compared to what people may expect from their children now-a-days- she is a saint.

Her mother is not overprotective of her, she just told her that if she leaves the house to go out, that she is going to get locked out. What kind of parent would do that to their kid who supports them?

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I have a female friend who is the oldest. The mother gets on her case for everything but doesn't say a word to the son that got a girl pregnant and then married her and now are living in the parent's basement with another baby on the way. He also doesn't have a job and doesn't do anything around the house.

I would say it is time for her to move out but I know how important family can be. No matter how annoying or hurtful they came be they are family and some people can't just up and leave. There is also the guilt factor. If she leave, knowing she pays the bills, who will pay them when she leaves. Some may say well that will make both of them, mother and son, get a job or start taking care of the household. She knows her family best and it might be the case where things just get worse if she leave.

Your friend should try and talk to her mom and explain what she feeling and thinks how things should be. This might be extremely hard if her mom is very traditional. If her mom is unresponsive then she might have to make the hard choice and leave. Your friend will also have to think of the consequences and if she is ok with them. Losing contact with her family temporarily or permenantly. She just has to make some hard decisions for herself to be happy. If she decides to leave, she should have friends store some of her stuff. If she does decide to talk to her mom, she should have everything prepared for the outcome of her being kicked out.

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I just can't help myself. Risk it all with me.

A parent who has a flawed perspective on things... most certainly her daughter. Ultimately your friend has the power to decide what she wants to do. The decision to is not hard to make.

For me, it's simple.

She should leave and not have a second thought about how her family will live when she's gone--it's their problem. Family may be family but if they treat you like shit, then it's time to move on and find a better "family".

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You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. ~Unknown

http://www.section-viii.com

In asia suppression of women is actually perpetuated both by males and females....Sounds like the mom is performing a demented USized version of that female to female put down.....

Either way that is useless oppression and got to go. She need to get the fuck out or slowly she'll get programmed to do the same to her daughter (in a mild diluted way but still bad)

It might be hard for mom figure to understand without a long ass lecture from some one she'd listen to...(that about sets the difficulty level for the mom to get out of her conditioning)

The daughter must understand that and be at peace if she wants to keep her mom close to her heart. She might have to take a role of the sympathetic daughter on the other side of the fence sort of speak when she returnes to show her independence to her family.

The chip on the shoulder just makes things more difficult.

good luck to your friend

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"They call me deranged. The hope is that they are right! It is of no greater or lesser import for yet another fool to wander this Earth. But if I am right and science is wrong, then may the Lord God have mercy on mankind!"

Victor Schauberger





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