Cross culture marriages a rocky road at times By Features Desk
Publisher:Viet Nam News - Publication Date: 20-08-2007

More and more young Vietnamese women are finding South Korean husbands, according to statistics from the Korean-based Vietnamese Women’s Cultural Centre (VWCC).
However, most Vietnamese women who decide to tie the knot with their Korean sweethearts come from poor families, according to Viet Nam Women’s Union official Cao Thi Hong Van, who warns that Vietnamese women must be better informed about the pitfalls of these cross-cultural marriages.
"Most of them come from poor families and agree to get married this way to help their family improve their current economic situation with support from the expected richer Korean grooms," said Van, who is head of the union’s Family and Society Department.

Thu Ha (not her real name), 24, married a South Korean after being introduced through a mutual friend, who also had a Korean husband.
"I felt a little unsafe but seeing how many of my friends were happy and satisfied with their lives in Korea, I agreed," said Ha.
Life was good for Ha until she delivered her first child. Things turned sour when her husband decided to take away her daughter, while she was still lying in the delivery room. She says her husband had wanted the child for his sister, who was living in America. Despite Ha’s efforts, she has not seen her daughter since.
Things got even worse after Ha had her second child when the same thing happened. Her husband then forced her to get a divorce so he could be reunited with his ex-wife.
Human incubator
Ha was used as a child-producing machine. Her babies were taken away right after they were delivered, and she never had a chance to take care of her offspring.
The desperate mother said she had to ask for help to try and get her children back from a migrant workers support centre in Seoul. Though her husband admitted getting married to Ha for the purpose of using her to produce children, lawyers said that her chances of getting them back were very small as her husband had better financial conditions for raising the children, which would weigh in his favour during a custody battle.
Vietnamese women across the country were shocked by news of the recent death of Huynh Mai from the southern province of Kien Giang.
Mai’s body was discovered with 18 broken ribs, hidden in her new home’s basement, eight days after her death. She died at the age of 19.
Mai did not know that her life would become a hell soon after her wedding to a 46-year-old South Korean man. After two months of life as an obedient wife in a far-away country, she could still not understand or speak Korean and was not allowed to go out to learn the language.
Being tired of life as a prisoner in her new home, she asked for a divorce in order to return to Viet Nam. Her husband flew into a rage at the request and beat her to death.
Ha and Mai are among thousands of Vietnamese women who married Korean men during the last few years. Cases of cross-cultural marriages between Viet Nam and South Korea have been growing rapidly during the past three years.
Statistics from the VWCC note 5,822 cases in 2005 and a doubling in 2006 to 10,131. Vietnamese partners account for 33.5 per cent of all marriages in South Korea, and those numbers only take into account those registered with the Korean Government.
There is no exact domestic data on Vietnamese brides going to Korea, but officials working in the area believe many of the brides come from places in Southern Viet Nam such as Can Tho, Dong Thap, Tay Ninh and HCM City. Recently, the trend has reached northern provinces such as Hai Phong, Quang Ninh and Hai Duong and is spreading nationwide.
The difficulties often encountered by these Vietnamese brides also include problems originating from the illegal activities of companies who specialise in cross border match-making.
Many Vietnamese women are forced into marriages with Korean men by these companies and brokers, according to authorities. They do not have basic information on the new life that awaits in Korea.
Head of the Viet Nam Women’s Union’s Social Affairs Committee, Truong Thi Mai, said young Vietnamese women needed to be more informed on the issue.
"While we don’t forbid cross-cultural marriages, authorities should give out warnings to help women make informed choices," she said.
Mai said the government should review the Law on Marriage and Family, especially those regulations on cross-cultural marriages.
Broken hearts
On the other hand, some Korean bridegrooms also have many difficulties with their Vietnamese wives. Some Vietnamese women who married Korean men packed their bags and left their new homes after getting the chance to make an independent life in Korea.
Head of the VWCC in Ha Noi, Chally Ryu said many young brides marry men from South Korea for the opportunity to make money.
"They just want to go to Korea to earn money," said Ryu.
"They just pretend to get married and after arriving in Korea, they willingly go their separate ways to earn money as illegal migrants.
"In these cases, Korean bridegrooms lose their wives."

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Remind me never to marry a man outside of the States.